How to Quickly Recognize and Avoid Toxic Relationships
You deserve the right partner. This is how you don't waste your time on the wrong ones.
I don’t really like writing “how-to’s” because they can look very low effort and dry, but I have extensive experiences with toxic relationships (chances are you do too), and I believe in this case, it is fairly appropriate. I promise I put a lot of care and time putting this together!
I want you to imagine life as your kitchen and your experiences as the dishes you prepare. Sometimes, you make bad dishes; other times, you can make average dishes. But in those fairly rare occasions, you prepare an astonishing meal.
But here’s the catch… In this kitchen of life, you can’t make all the dishes alone. You need another chef to show you new dishes you would have never dreamed of creating. That other chef is your partner.
Now, my bad analogy aside, a good partner in your love life can elevate your life — but a bad and toxic partner will stop at nothing to bring you down.
Wouldn’t it be useful if you could tell which relationships are toxic and avoid them before they ruin you? I wish I knew some of the things I’m about to tell you years ago — it could have saved me a lot of heartache.
“Staying in a bad relationship is like holding onto a cactus, hoping it will turn into a rose. All you’re going to get is a prick.” — Christine E. Caine.
Recognizing Red Flags
Toxic relationships can appear charming on the surface. That charm is designed to draw you in and hide all the red flags that exist. But no matter how hard it tries to hide them, there will always be patterns of destructive behavior. Here are some of them:
Classic Guilt Tripping
I had an ex that always did this. She uses it as a manipulative strategy to get what she wants. If I don’t want to go somewhere with her, she would make me appear like a bad boyfriend that isn’t committed to the relationship — and since I don’t want to appear that way, I go where she wants. Like a sad puppy.
Toxic relationships aim to weaponize guilt by making you feel responsible for their happiness or misfortunes. They use this as a strategy to control your actions and emotions.
Gaslighting
Does your partner twist reality making you question everything from your own memory or perception? This tactic leaves you completely insecure, confused. It can make you feel crazy when you know deep down that you are not.
Clingy And Possessive
Does your 'soulmate' attempt to separate you from your friends or family because they want you all to themselves? Yeah… If this is true for you, it’s a surefire way to know you are in a seriously toxic relationship. Possessiveness is a sign of unhealthy control and dependence.
They Put You Down
If your partner is constantly trying to belittle you and destroy your self-esteem, you’re probably in a bad one. If you stay in a relationship like this long enough, your sense of self-worth and happiness will go down the drain faster than a bullet train (I’m sorry for the cheesy rhyme, but I had to).
Drama Queen Or King
My ex (yep the same one that used to gaslight the sh*t out of me) was a superb drama queen. She loves drama so much that if our relationship went a week without any weird drama, she’ll cook something up to keep the relationship interesting. When things have been normal for too long, that’s how you know she was about to ruin the peace.
If your girlfriend or boyfriend makes your relationship feel like a constant soap opera, the emotional drain can be intense. It can be very bad.
In the end though, sometimes your best indicator that your relationship is a toxic one is your gut. If you feel it in your gut that your relationship is toxic, trust your gut.
Strategies For Avoiding Toxic Relationships Altogether
Now that you can recognize the warning signs of toxic relationships, how can you avoid them altogether? Here are some proactive steps you can take:
Define Your Boundaries Early On
You know, your non-negotiables in a relationship. Make sure you communicate them clearly before the relationship gets too serious. If you stand your ground on them, it is usually enough to drive a potential toxic partner away — good riddance!
Seek Supportive Communities
I want you to surround yourself with people that care deeply about you and that encourage healthy relationships. If there’s one thing toxic partners hate, it’s healthy people around their victims. That’s why they try to separate you from them.
Refuse to leave your loved ones. They are your literal shield that will protect you from the clutches of toxicity.
Don’t Rush In
Take your time to really know a person before diving deep with them. If you dive in too deep too early with the wrong person, they may just try to drown you.
Take your time to observe their behavior and see if their words align with their actions. It’s very important you do this!
Trust Your Gut
If something feels off, don’t ignore it. I would say run, don’t walk away, but they aren't worth the stress and effort of running. Just walk away gracefully. Remember, you deserve the right partner. You deserve good things.
Bonus Tip: This article is just the starting point. If you notice you’re in a toxic relationship, seek professional help or therapy. I can only give you general solutions — but professionals can provide personalized guidance tailored to your exact situation. Thanks for reading!
