According to John Gottman, stonewalling (Silent Treatment) is one of the most devastating of all the Four Horsemen of the relationship Apocalypse. Further, it is the weapon of choice for narcissists because of its powerful ability to control the relationship. But what if you could take away all the power & pain from the dreaded “Silent Treatment”? Here’s how.
Colloquially known as the “Silent Treatment”, stonewalling is when one person in the relationship decides that the conversation is over. Period. You may be in a heated discussion (ok, an argument. Ok, ok — a fight), or you may not see it coming at all — “what did I do wrong?”. But at the end of the day, one person decides to temporarily check-out of the relationship, no explanation offered. This is called stonewalling.
And, it’s an insidious form of control. According to the Duluth Model of Domestic Violence, it is even considered abuse. It’s favored by narcissists for this very reason — it is the ultimate in passive aggressive behavior, designed to drive the other person crazy. No wonder it is such a high predictor of divorce.
