INFIDELITY
How to Stop Being a Helpless Mistress and Why
Whatever he is promising you, it's a lie.
Do you know there is an army of books titled "How To Be A Good Mistress"?
The sad fact is whatever they are promising, most men won't leave their wives for an affair. Why? Because they like to eat their cakes and have it too. They get to keep their stable marriage and be with the "other woman" simultaneously — it's a win-win in their eyes.
And besides, divorce is nasty business.
People like to blame the "other woman" for ruining another woman's marriage — but in reality, they are also victims.
“One betrayal is enough to shatter a thousand promises.” — Khaled Hosseini
All the poor woman did was fall in love with a fantasy built, adorned, and maintained by lies. Lies they allow themselves to believe. Aren't we all susceptible when we're in love?
The Pain Of Being the "Other Woman"
Sneaking around just to be with the man you love isn't exactly the kind of romance most people dream of. But there's something about him that is so attractive.
Darkness can be alluring when it's wrapped with false promises and excitement.
Sneaking around with a married man can feel exciting at first but what it does to the mental health in the long run is terrible. It can leave you feeling alone and empty — the guilt is even worse.
Think about it for a moment. This woman hopefully never planned on being a mistress.
She dreamt of a man that loved her and only her.
People talk about the pain the wife is feeling but no one pays mind to the "other woman". To everybody, she is a monster, a cheat, and a homewrecker — but in reality, she is just another victim of a toxic relationship.
Why Did She Do It Then?
It’s for the same reason everyone makes mistakes — ignorance and desire.
I'm not a woman so I can't say I fully understand why. But from my perspective, I can paint three scenarios.
Scenario #1:
She wasn't even aware the man was married. All she saw was a charming lad that looked like he had his life together and she let herself dream. Never did he mention he was already married.
Well, inevitably she finds out he is a married man but is too much in love to stop. She has been dazzled by the fantasy and wants to see how it ends.
Scenario #2:
She is aware he was married before the affair but wants to stop. In this scenario, the man typically makes her stay by giving her hope with lies. He tells her he will divorce his wife for her when the time is right.
She buys his poison ivy-wrapped gift and waits. She continues waiting for the right time promised by the man like she is in a trance.
Scenario #3:
She is aware he was married before the affair but has no intention to stop. She enjoys being the mistress. The man doesn't have to lie to keep her — she stays off her conviction to ruin a married home.
I only speak for women belonging in the first two scenarios or similar. I don't condone women who have affairs with married men for malicious reasons.
I'm sure some more scenarios and situations exist that are more complex than the ones I gave — but from my limited perspective of the matter, they're all I can work with for now.
For Whatever Reason It Started, the Betrayal Needs to End
"Choose yourself. It's the most shocking act of rebellion." - Nayyirah Waheed
There's no fixing a broken relationship. It's not your job to cure the man's urge to have another woman in his life. He is driven entirely by lust — nobody would treat someone they love like a shadow never to be seen nor heard.
The initial rush the affair gives will fade with time. By the end of the rush, all you're left with is a hot, thick, steamy mess of guilt and loneliness.
You deserve better. The man's actual wife deserves better. His kids (if he has any) deserve better.
Choose a relationship that will not hide you or sweep you under the carpet like you are dirt.
