I Dare You To Listen Better
Listening is the difference between an engaging conversation and a wishy-washy exchange of words.
Listening is such a powerful skill. Listening is the difference between a wholesome conversation and a wishy-washy exchange of words. Without listening there would be no reciprocity in conversations.
The single most important tip to great listening is true and honest curiosity. Being curious means abandoning preconceived ideas and opening up to the possibility of learning and understanding the point of view of the person you are talking to. Listening affords you the impetus to ask open ended questions and break barriers in conversations. It helps you build trust; because guess what? People love to feel heard. Take your time to listen a little more carefully. Listen curiously and attentively and watch how your conversations would change dramatically.
Following these steps can change the way you have conversations forever. Clarify, acknowledge, and respond. Listening can help to repair the fabric of a broken relationship. Be it a professional relationship, romantic relationship, or even a cordial relationship.
Clarify: It is important to clarify during conversations to make sure you understand what is being said to you. This is often done by echoing back the message given to you back to the messenger. Doing this helps to create precise understanding which can insight powerful follow-up questions.
Acknowledge: This is where many people get it wrong! Acknowledging that something was said is a powerful way to improve trust and break barriers in conversations.
Lisa: I hate it when she doesn’t express how she feels. It makes me so mad!
Godwin: I can see how her silence could hurt you. I can only imagine how you feel…
That’s a great way to acknowledge what was said before sharing your opinion. Too often people share their opinion without affording their partner the opportunity to feel heard and related to.
Respond: A good response is typically a result of a person’s personal knowledge and life experiences. To keep the conversation going, respond with curiosity. A response should not be used as an opportunity to flip the table and talk about your self for hours.
“Listening shapes us; not being heard twists us”~ Michael P. Nichols, PhD
This might be a bit hard for some people to read, but it important to be acquainted with the idea that your childhood experiences and your relationship with your primary care giver shapes a huge chunk of who you are today.
The big question is, how does being listened to as a child shape an adult? Listening is critical to the formation of a strong and healthy self. Have you ever spoken gibberish with a three year old child? Your constant smiling, nodding and silly facial expressions send a messages to that child’s brain saying, “you can express yourself to me.” Hence children develop attachment to people who give them attention. On the other hand, imagine berating a child for asking for a Barbie doll or constantly vilifying and harshly criticizing a child who shares an opinion. “The listened-to child grows up whole and secure. The unlistened-to child lacks the understanding that firms self acceptance and is “bent out of shape”by the wishes and anxiety of others.”~ Michael P. Nichols, PhD. Not feeling understood and not being listened to as a child can erase feelings of self- respect, self-assurance and makes independence expensive to acquire. Today I want you to empower people by listening.
