I Don’t Want to be Your Baby Anymore…
20 money-related questions to ask your partner before you get married.
“Dad I’m tired of being the baby!”, I exclaimed.
It was a phrase I had often said to my father. I hated being the last born of my siblings and I wanted a baby brother or sister. It wasn’t so much because the idea of a big family excited me, but more so because I felt I’d outgrown the “Shona” nickname my family called me, that directly translated to baby, or last born.
Admittedly my lovely mother was always quick to defend it as a term of endearment, but I’d outgrown the name, literally and physically. I was now taller than my sister and quickly encroaching on my mother. And by my parents’ admission a few days prior when they sat me down, I was now too big to sleep in their bed whenever I allegedly heard a burglar by the window (which in my juvenile mind seemed to happen every second night).
On this particular day however, we’d just had dinner and were seated in the living room as per usual. I looked across at my father, about to make my usual proposal. You see, in my 10-year-old mind the solution was simple: just have another baby. That day, however, my dad was not having any of it. Perhaps the stresses of the workday had gotten to him but before I could finish the word “baby”, he interjected me and said, “Joshua! Children are expensive”.
It was unlike my fathers’ usual reassuring response. I was distraught, and I looked across towards my mother for some sort of consolation, or at the very least a rebuke towards her husband. For a brief moment, my eyes locked with her deep hazel pupils, but she remained stoic and quickly lowered her gaze back to her computer.
Like many of the things my parents have said to me, I have only been able to appreciate them in hindsight. This was one of them. I’m 21 now and I know that their words ring as true back then as they did now — kids are expensive!
That being said, questions about money, marriage, and their intersection seem to frequent my thoughts recently. This is especially the case nowadays, as I scroll my Facebook timeline looking for the funniest memes, only to be intercepted by notifications and pictures of old friends who’ve just gotten engaged, are planning to get married, or have eloped and came online to remind us that they couldn’t be bothered with the expense of a wedding and no one would be getting any free booze or cake on their bill.
So, I decided to compile a set of questions that are worth asking your partner if things start to get serious. These are definitely not the questions for a first date, maybe let’s use that date as an opportunity to get to know the basics. But once you’re further down the road towards deciding this person is the “the one” for you, these are the kind of questions that I believe are important to ask for the long-term success of your relationship. Several studies have shown that finances and infidelity are leading causes of divorce in the USA so it’s a conversation worth having.
Marrying purely for love is therefore a virtually certain to ensure that the relationship ends in disaster. I believe having a good understanding of where both parties stand on financial issues respectively, sets up the union for success and a lot fewer arguments.
Questions
Set I
1. On a scale of 1–10 where would you rank your level of financial literacy?
2. Would you be willing to sign a prenup? (Prenuptial agreement)
3. What are your thoughts on gender roles? Particularly, do you believe the responsibility to provide should be on one member of the relationship?
4. What is your relationship with money? Is it meaningless to you? Do you want a lot of it? Do you find it intimidating?
5. What was your financial situation growing up? In what ways has that impacted the way you handle money as an adult?
6. What is your money personality? There are 5 money personalities theorized by Scott and Bethany Palmer:
-Big spenders (Enjoys luxury, expensive brands, and lifestyle, etc.)
-Savers (Very frugal, avoids debt, minimalist)
-Shoppers (Emotional spender, impulse buyer, can’t resist a sale)
-Debtors (Deep in debt, poor/no financial plan)
-Investors (Delayed gratification, plans for future)
Set II
7. Do you have any debt (Student loans, loans, mortgage, car payments) If so, what is your plan to pay them off?
8. What sort of purchases do you consider worth taking on credit/higher purchase? Do you prefer to “save up” and buy a product, or would you prefer to take the product now on credit?
9. How do you structure your budget? Are you strict with it?
10. Does anyone depend on you for their living? (Friends, family, etc.)
11. Do you have any bank accounts or sources of income I am not aware of?
12. Are you an emotional spender? Do you shop to raise your mood when you are sad?
13. What are your personal aspirations? Secondly, what aspirations do you have for our union?
14. Do you want to have children? If so, what is the ideal lifestyle you would like to provide for them?
Set III
15. If either of our parents were to run out of money in retirement, is that expense you would allow me to undertake with our finances?
16. In the event that we were to fall on “tough times” financially, what expenses in your life would you be willing to forego temporarily?
17. In your opinion, how should our household bills and expenses be split? Should they be split evenly? Should the person who earns more, contribute more?
18. If I were to lose my income for whatever reason (job loss, changing careers, maternity, starting my own business, etc.) would you be willing to support me financially? If so, for how long?
19. When it comes to financial decisions, should the person who earns more have the final say? Justify your position.
20. Share your genuine thoughts about the experience with your partner. (Express grievances, agreement, optimism, concern, etc.)
Bonus Question: If you had all the money in the world, what’s the first thing you would buy?
Sources
https://www.investopedia.com/articles/basics/07/money-personality.asp
https://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/09/marriage-killing-money-issues.asp
https://www.foryourmarriage.org/how-financial-difficulties-affect-marriage/
