I Don’t Want to Fix a Man or Be Fixed by One
For the love of all that’s holy, please set a new standard.
I should state for the record that I have a master’s degree in counseling and practice as a mental health clinician. I have years of experience as a therapist — but that doesn’t mean I want a fixer-upper partner. Nor do I want one that sees me as a potentially good partner if only I’m willing to be someone or something I’m not already.
The Fairy Tale
Sometimes, I grieve for the way we, as a society, have shaped conversations around relationships. Fairy tales are bad enough at crafting unrealistic expectations. The damsel won’t lie there quietly while we kiss her. The prince doesn’t show up on his white horse to defeat our demons. No one is coming to save us — or at least, healthy people aren’t riding to the rescue to fix us. It’s only the people who are intrinsically unhealthy themselves who want to do this in the first place. A rescue complex is a red flag that needs our attention.
I don’t say this with judgment. I had a rescue complex. I didn’t think I could change anyone. At least, I told myself that. But I did think I could inspire them to be better. I could support their growth journey. I craved that feeling of being needed, and I didn’t know what to do without it. What I didn’t…
