I Don’t Want To Get Marry Until Society See Us as An Equal
Maybe I never will, not while I’m living in a macho society and country.
Since I was a girl, the idea of getting married has not been very attractive to me. It’s a word that makes me anxious just thinking about it. For me, getting married equals jail. Then, you will ask yourself, “Lluvia, who caused you such trauma? Getting married is beautiful!” Yes, it’s beautiful, but I like it only in movies.
The cause of “trauma”.
Like many, my first example of a relationship was my parents. They had a good marriage, with their differences, but nothing out of the ordinary — if you want to see it that way.
What characterized them the most is that it was a couple who had their space: their friends, activities, and trips. Ah, but only a small detail, that space was only allowed for my dad. And my mom, as a woman, had to accept that. Unfair, right?
The idea that everyone has their own space seems fantastic to me because I am a person who likes her own. But what happens when in that marriage I am the woman? And, worse still, that she lives in Mexico.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my country, it has a thousand wonders. But, it’s a macho country. I know that it’s not the only one on the planet, there are many more that are, or perhaps much more than Mexico. But, this time, in particular, I will tell you why I don’t want to get married while society is still highly macho.
I don’t want to go to jail.
As I mentioned before, getting married causes me anxiety because that word in my mind is equal to jail. Why? I will give you 6 reasons that make it feel that way.
- If you had a child out of wedlock, you must marry the one who fathered it. Don’t you know him well enough? Didn’t your relationship work? It doesn’t matter, that boy must have a dad. How are you going to be a single mom? Ah, are you 16 years old? With more reason.
- You get married and you must have children. If you marry it’s to procreate, not because you want to legally join that person. Ah, but, you still don’t want to have children? Do you want to know your partner better now in their new life as married? Too bad, you should already have a family. You are wasting your years.
- I saw Karen at the supermarket without Mario. Are you separated? What do you do alone outside your home? You shouldn’t go out without your husband.
- No traveling. You have to travel with your husband because God knows what you are going to do out there, he has to take care of you and observe that you do not do anything wrong. Ah, do you trust each other? Good, but we, the society, do not trust you.
- Have you already learned to cook? My daughter, Anna, knows how to cook delicious and clean since she is 6 years old, she will be a wonderful wife. What aspirations does she have? Does it matter? As long as she marries a rich man, she will not have to work or develop her dreams, she just has to do her chores around the house, dedicate herself to her children and be a good wife. YAY!
- Goodbye friends. Even if you are not married, you cannot be “crazy” with your friends. Girlfriends talk about men, they are drunk and they will distract you from your chores around the house.
We follow patterns.
The limitations placed on women within society are usually harsh, even these can influence your partner. Family patterns and social pressure are the most common, and the worst thing is that, even if your partner tries to be liberal and open-minded, there will be people who try to instill other ideas in him, because within that society, it’s the right thing to do.
Perhaps, you think that for that you must choose the right partner, but believe me, it is usually difficult when an entire society is macho, because, even if your husband does not judge you, society will, and will press until it defeats.
Even though I am not married yet, I have been judged for traveling without my boyfriend or going out with my friends. Judged, for not knowing how to cook 100 recipes. For having my activities. For not wanting to have children even in a few more years. For working. For having tattoos. For dreaming. But, thank God, I didn’t care and I did what I felt like.
Far from equity.
Maybe getting married is a matter of attitude, that you don’t care what they think or say about you. Maybe it’s just a role or status. I do not know. But what I do know is that machismo kills, limits, judges, bends, and above all, it is nothing like love. And while machismo exists in a marriage, I don’t want it.
Mexico is still in a long way from gender equality, because not only the majority of men are macho, but also women themselves. Girls who agree to be treated in this way, end up seeing it in a normal way and do not dare to look further inside, of how cool it is to be a woman and what she can do as one, without the limits of society.
“Yes, I’m a woman, and he’s a man, he can.” Then, they become mothers who instill it, enlarging the male’s ego and minimizing the woman’s, because that’s how she accepted it. He accepted that it is the right thing.
To change this, we need men and women who decide to change the mental chip. More education, empathy, less ego, just more love. Because, as there are societies led by macho patterns, there may be managed by equity and empathy.
Final thoughts.
As a woman, I want to have my space, that they give me trust and love me as I am; that just as I decided to be a wife, decide what I share with my partner and whatnot, and not be judged for it. Being a team. Have the same rights to dream, be, and do.
