I Know I’m Missing Something That Will Fix My Love Life — But I Don’t Know What!

I’m just missing a few pieces to the puzzle, but I don’t know what they are or where to fit them.

Photo credit: iStock

By Harris O’Malley

Dear Dr. NerdLove:

I’m sure this is a familiar take on an age-old situation, but here’s hoping you can provide some insight to help me to move past this. There’s a lot of ground to cover.

I was never popular in my youth, particularly with the ladies. When I went to college, this didn’t improve by much, and I remember being the only one in my group of friends that never seemed to have any dating prospects, or at least I never noticed if someone had got their eye on me. I vividly remember all of my twenties, going out three times a week or scrolling endlessly through a dating app, in the vague hope that I’d find a connection. Instead, I spent many nights alone, which at times was emotionally crippling. Despite it all, I’ve still found the strength to pursue my goals and grow as a person. I’m not where I want to be…yet…particularly as I only have a very small group of friends, but I’m in a far better space than I was many years ago. I’m still working on things in therapy. However, in general, I am a confident, successful, happy-go-lucky guy.

Now being in my thirties, the last couple of years I’ve received a degree of attention that I never thought I’d experience, However, I find it leaves me completely confused rather than satisfied, and I can feel myself tense up the moment that any of these events occur. For instance, everyone…and I mean *everyone*…asks me about my romantic life. “Have you met someone yet?”, “Are you single? You’re a good-looking guy.”, “Any girl would be lucky to have you.”. I can’t go a literal week without someone asking me such, and so clearly, I must be giving off an impression or vibe that I should be doing well for myself, romantically. Furthermore, while I don’t go out a ton, the last few times I have been out on the town there’s been moments, granted few and far between, that I think a woman may have shown me interest, such as a glance my way, or by positioning themselves near me. You’d think all of this would sound promising, but my own reality is far from the expectations from…