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I Still Remember When We Were Us
Did it only ever mean anything to me?
I’d like to blame the full moon for today’s emotional hangover. It would be easier to assign responsibility to some astrological event. It would take the weight of it off my already-burdened shoulders.
But in truth, it was something as simple as a dream. That is to say, the truth is simple. The dream was not.
I don’t remember the details. I woke up holding onto impressions alone. I think that I was happy for a little while before waking. But after coming into consciousness, a rush of memories permeated the morning. Not of the dream but of the past.
I remember when we were us.
It’s a funny thought. I’ve been one part of a couple a handful of times in my life. Each version of me was different and also not different. But one time, I was wholly myself — until I began to resurrect the old protections one little piece at a time. I didn’t know how to stay vulnerable when I no longer felt secure inside the relationship.
But isn’t that the truth of life? It’s hard to make ourselves vulnerable when we don’t feel safe. Vulnerability is frightening enough without putting ourselves in further peril — and peril is exactly what it feels like to our nervous systems when we let ourselves be fully…
