I Wish I Would Have Waited Until Marriage to Have Sex
Call me “old-fashioned,” but I know I’m not the only one out there. For those who can resonate with me, this one’s for you.
I didn’t find out what sex was until I was 17. I know, I know, but give me a break. That was also the same year I had my first boyfriend, as well as my first kiss. It was a year of many firsts.
I was one of the last years (if not the very last) they taught about abstinence in my high school sex-ed class. I remember getting a bracelet at the end of the course that said “I Will Wait”. I’m sure the kids would fall over laughing if they received one of those today.
Good parents raised me and brought me to church every Sunday. It was there that I naturally learned about the importance of waiting until marriage to be able to share the special connection often created through sexual relations. It was easy for me to agree with these ideas within these circumstances.
I always had it as my end goal to remain a virgin until the night of my wedding, that I would spend with the man of my dreams. Despite my good intentions, it is now that I realize that I didn’t put much thought into how I would get there, besides “don’t have sex”.
As I’m sure many would agree, it’s far more complicated than that.
I have to be honest. I am envious of individuals who waited. I applaud them. It’s in my nature to be competitive, and it’s hard for me to feel as if I failed. I feel weak when I hear of those who have succeeded in their abstinence from sex until their marriage.
Despite feelings of failure, I am also fully aware that I am stronger today because of where my shortcomings have ultimately led me. Though I am happy with who I am today, I still find myself frequently reflecting back on previous decisions I have made in my life. I often wonder how my life would be different if I did wait. Here are the five reasons I wish I would have waited until marriage to have sex with my husband:
1. I never had a “special first time”.
Because we had already had sex before sealing the deal, our marriage night was truthfully quite ordinary. I actually spent the first part of it dramatically crying under the covers because I felt like I was leaving my family behind (little did I know we would end up moving in with them the next day, and then renting an apartment 4 minutes away later). There’s the reality for ya: no trails of rose petals or candles, just a young girl crying because she missed her family already. I was also pregnant, so that could also explain the fountain of tears.
I won’t divulge to you the details of my actual first time, but even that day wasn’t extraordinary. Instead, I just felt confused, disappointed, sad, and strange. Maybe some can relate.
2. I always wanted a partner that would wait too.
If I wanted my future spouse to have waited for only me to have sex with, I feel that I should have done the same. Again, you can disagree and call me old-fashioned, but there is something so extraordinary and exceptional about two individuals having restrained themselves for their future spouses. I believe it’s a grand act of love. It eliminates any ugly feelings like jealousy or resentment towards past partners with whom your spouse has also had sexual relations with. It doesn't feel sexy to be in bed and be wondering about who these other individuals were. It can hurt deeply.
3. Better sexual health
It can’t be argued that having sex with multiple partners runs a higher risk of getting sexually transmitted diseases. If someone has had sex before marriage, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will also have had sex with multiple partners, but it is more likely. STD’s are rampant everywhere because of unsafe sex and because fewer individuals are choosing to wait until marriage. It is a mighty feat to withhold from having sex when it’s a hot topic no matter where one turns, as well as a natural human desire.
4. Better spiritual and mental health
Abstinence is a key teaching in many religions around the world, and is rightfully so. Individuals can benefit from basic teachings regarding abstinence because they develop a disciplined life. Having sex outside the bonds of marriage and the consequences that resulted took a mental and spiritual toll on me. My daughter is one of my greatest blessings in my life, however I still feel the guilt of the complicated circumstances into which she was conceived and born. In most circumstances it is ideal for children to be born to parents within wedlock , and it grieves me to see otherwise.
5. Freedom
I was always trailed by anxiety, guilt, and an uneasiness while been involved in sexual relations prior to being married. It can be a slippery slope. Being married to my sweet husband has eliminated much of that, but I still wish I never had to experience sex in a negative way. Taking the leap of faith to get married has been incredibly freeing. It’s freeing to be able to be intimate with someone you love and know you’ll be with for the rest of your life. There’s no holding back. There’s no fear. You’re each other’s forever.
My opinions stem from personal beliefs, but even more largely from my own experience. It may be against the status quo in our day to support abstinence until marriage, but my life lived so far has indicated to me that I would likely be better off if I had waited. I understand that the sex culture and media today appears exciting and encourages individuals to have sex with whomever they please, but as for myself I have only been disappointed in doing so. I also understand that it’s beyond difficult to abstain from sex. For this reason I’m impressed by those who do.
I recently found the spark (and the courage) to share my thoughts on the subject, though controversial. I know I’m not alone in how I feel. I’ve gained the confidence to write this over time as I have become increasingly aware that there are people who need to hear this.
I wish I would have waited. I regret not doing so. I believe that sex should be for two individuals who love one another and have decided to commit to each other through the bonds of matrimony.
