I’m Selfish for Choosing Me
I was labelled selfish for choosing me, and I’m okay with that.
You are not selfish for prioritizing yourself — for putting your health and safety first.
It is important for people to understand that protecting themselves is not selfish. There is nothing wrong with having different opinions from others, and nothing wrong with defending your opinions if someone is trying to force you to change. There is nothing wrong with cutting people out of your life who make you feel unsafe, family or friend. There is nothing wrong with choosing your safety and peace of mind even if others do not like it because they can’t respect your boundaries.
This isn’t something that’s easy to do, and even more so when it’s someone who is close to you that’s making you feel this way. It’s common for people to compromise their safety or boundaries to avoid conflict, or simply because that’s what they’re used to doing.
But a person’s well-being should never be compromised. A person should never feel unsafe or in danger, but it happens often. It can be habitual to put ourselves in that position to avoid conflict because it’s what we’re used to.
Health and safety is a priority to each individual. It should be treated and respected as such, and there are people who infringe on those because of their own opinions or beliefs. Who they are, what their opinions are, or what their beliefs are does not make it okay for them to overstep. It doesn’t make it okay to make someone feel unsafe or attacked.
And it is not selfish if someone fights back in order to protect themselves. If this is selfish, then fine. Be selfish.
There was a time when I was told I was selfish because I had done just that, I fought back. I chose to put my safety and health first because I felt unsafe, and in doing so I was told that I was a selfish person. That I was only thinking about myself and that there wouldn’t be any problems if I just didn’t argue back. That I was causing conflict and that I should just shut up and listen.
It was hurtful and demeaning. I was angry and felt conflicted about my decision because of who said those things to me, or rather several whos. I had let their words crack through my walls enough for me to feel some doubt about my decision.
But I threw that doubt out shortly after it slipped its way in.
It’s not easy to do, and I’m not saying it is. It can take days or years to process something and get closure. I have things that I’m still dealing with and it’s been years since the initial hurtful event happened to me. This moment was just different for me, it hurt me in a different way and I processed it differently.
I was angry. I was in a situation that I did not feel safe in, that I felt endangered and unprotected, and I was being told that I was wrong to leave that situation. That it was wrong of me to stand up for my beliefs, and that it was wrong of me to fight back when I was being threatened. That I was selfish.
I refused then, and I refuse now, to let myself be swayed in the choices I make to protect myself. If this makes me selfish, then I am proudly selfish.
This subject is different for every person. People process certain traumas and experiences differently, and we all do certain things to keep ourselves safe. That can include compromising our safety sometimes, because that’s what some people are taught to do in order to stay safe.
But compromising ourselves, because that’s what we know, doesn’t guarantee it will keep us safe. It didn’t keep me safe, not every time, and the times that it had I had lost so much of myself. When I had first looked back I was disappointed and lost. But in time I worked through how I felt, and I’m proud that I put myself first, that I was selfish for me.
Choosing to prioritize oneself and making the choice to protect ourselves when if it can cause conflict or friction isn’t easy — it’s hard and uncomfortable. It can cause us to get hurt, but so can staying.
Be selfish. Protect yourself because you deserve to be your priority.
