Leaving a Toxic Relationship–Gaining the Will or Figuring Out the Way?

Difficult change can be thought of as requiring two key components: having the WILL to make a change and knowing the WAY to do it. Knowing the WAY can improve your WILL, and having the WILL can help you find a WAY.

The Good Men Project
Hello, Love

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Photo credit: iStock

By Ann Betz

To be honest, I’ve been in both spaces. When I was married to my son’s dad, the hard part was finding the will to take my life back and leave. We’d been together for 13 years. We’d helped each other start new businesses. We’d weathered my mom dying and experienced many joys and sorrows. We’d even moved with our son to a new country. I’d grown as a person and, to some extent, so had he. Just not enough to manage his own emotions, and although I loved him, I was tired of being his emotional punching bag and saw no hope for change. But how to end a marriage that was such a mixture of good and bad? Where could I find the courage, the will, to end things?

I pondered and mulled and processed. Then, on New Year’s Day in 2009, I went for a walk by myself on our 35-acre property in Costa Rica. Standing on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean, miserable and at a loss, I said out loud, “Let this be the end. Let this be the…

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The Good Men Project
Hello, Love

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