Lesson from the Deity of Love
How I found out I haven't got a clue what love is.
It has been a long time since I had an idle morning at work. I took the chance to check out a quaint temple amidst the bustling office workers and the skyscrapers which was located not too far from my workplace. Yueh Hai Ching Temple is home to a Chinese god of matchmaking, Yue Lao, who is renowned for granting wishes to forlorn singles wishing for a successful union. Since I had time, it seems like the right place (and space) to be.
According to legend, Yue Lao appears under the moonlight, holding the Book of Marriage and lengths of red thread. Reading from the Book of Marriage, he unites all destined couples together with the thread — forming the basis for beliefs surrounding the red thread of fate.
The red thread of fate is symbolic of the Chinese idiom, 千里姻缘一线牵, loosely translating to “a fated match across a thousand miles drawn by a thread” — indicating that those destined to be together will find each other even if they are miles apart (Imperial Harvest, 2022)
Patronizing the temple were office ladies (OLs) on lunch break (maybe tea break). There were white-rabbit-like (from Alice in Wonderland) devotees who seemed to be in a rush – lit the joss stick, bow vigorously three times, and offer the joss sticks, off to the the next schedule on their agenda. While others prayed intentionally as if their entirety depended on the pleas; brows furrowed, mouth whispering, then a sign of relief after they offer the joss stick. No matter the praying style the devotees were aplenty, and the deity was thronged on. I wondered what they were praying for. A life partner? A happy union? Security and safety in a relationship?
Secure love is elusive.
Had you met me in December 2022 you would see that I was committed to loving a man and was on the trajectory of becoming a wife. He was a perfect man, or so I had thought – I had the illusion of stability when I was together with him.
Fast forward to me in 2024. Swiping on bumble. Yes, he is cute. No, he does not make me feel safe. I was cautiously choosing, and consciously detecting any potential red flag, anything that would signal to me that I am making the same mistake.
I realised, a secure love, a love that nurtures your growth and heals your wound, is elusive. Falling in love is the easy part. Because, love is not merely just an emotion, but also a psychological experience that shapes our perception. I know what love isn’t, but I never knew what it is.
Perhaps the reason Yue Lao is a busy deity is because of the lack of secure love in the world.
When the temple guide asked me if I wanted to pray to Yue Lao I took the chance. Although I was supposed to pray to meet a life partner, I realised I don’t want to be with a “life partner” if the relationship is toxic or unfulfilling so I prayed for a secure love, one that will enable me to become the best version of myself and be genuinely happy.
I hope to one day revisit this article and write part two. Maybe, I can share what love is.
References
“Imperial Harvest Jadeite Collection — God of Matchmaking and Marriage (Yue Lao).” Imperial Harvest, 8 Sept. 2022, https://imperialharvest.com/blog/god-matchmaking-marriage-yue-lao/?utm_term=&utm_campaign=Bazi%2BLeads-Performance%2BMax-4&utm_medium=ppc&utm_source=adwords&hsa_kw=&hsa_cam=19751401600&hsa_src=x&hsa_grp=&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ad=&hsa_acc=3348233394&hsa_ver=3&hsa_tgt=&hsa_mt=&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0tKiBhC6ARIsAAOXutlvTcmc714mrvePJRUf30E_pC6mknaOiDKUaQVFZXek5KKJU1UtWfkaAjkoEALw_wcB.
