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Love and Challenges
How attachment styles shape our relationship struggles.
My friend Ben called me the other day, but we will get to that shortly. First a little backstory: Ben has been dating Betsy for about 8 months (and has been actively “wife shopping” for the past 3 years). Ben is extremely picky — and has admitted that he has ditched girlfriends in the past for superficial reasons — but he actively sees a future with Betsy and had some major concerns after a recent vacation.
You see, Ben wants to be a father. He wants to get married to his person and start a family — ideally within the next three to five years. When he was writing his online dating profile, I encouraged him to be upfront about his goals to filter out anyone who wasn’t also actively searching for their future spouse and co-parent.
Ben also has a history of ignoring women’s stated goals and values in their online profiles if is attracted to them (case in point: his past three significant others actively did NOT want children and instead of wishing them well and sending them on their way so he could find someone who wanted what he wanted, he dated them for months (into years).
When Ben met Betsy, he had stars in his eyes. On paper — and in reality — they match up in many ways. They’re both outdoorsy; they share a similar sense of humor; if you…
