Love Is in the Small Things
Why small seductions are more nurturing than grand gestures — and how to show more love.
Grand gestures get a lot of hype.
Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend who would execute a lot of grand gestures. The problem was that he was inattentive and a jerk in between. Even worse, when he’d complete a grand gesture, he’d want praise and recognition. I’d get bombarded with questions like, “Aren’t I the best?” and “Didn’t you love it so much?”
No and no.
He didn’t seem to get that the sweet gesture was soured by his behavior before and after. To make matters worse, he’d post on social media about how “great” he was. He’d take photos, write a blurb about how much he loves me, and essentially beg for likes. People would see that and think, wow! How sweet! How thoughtful! Little did they know that he had been screaming at me for not replying to his text just a few hours ago.
Grand gestures aren’t acceptable apologies. A lot of people will try to do something big and excessive to make up for bad behavior. When I was working at a spa, a coworker would always get flower deliveries. Not just regular flowers. I’m talking two dozen red roses. She’d be so happy to get them, but after a few times, the truth came out. They were apology flowers.
