Many Women Don’t Realize How Much Reassurance Most Men Need
And how important it is for a healthy relationship with them.
A big secret that many of us men keep from our partners is how insecure we can feel about whether we‘re scoring highly enough on the man-scale (whatever that means for us — whether it’s status, money, the size of our car etc. ) and hence worthy of being loved by them.
I learned at an early age that it was shameful to show vulnerability or be less than confident, and got used to wearing a mask to hide my normal human insecurities. As I got older fitting in became all important so I put on a whole suit of armour to cover my anxieties about whether I could be ‘one of the lads’, and the shame and rejection I partly expected to feel.
Acting a part, and hiding my real feelings, became such second nature to me that I just thought I was the cool persona I was trying to project. But if anyone (usually a girlfriend) tried to break through my protective barrier, I’d retreat further behind it, and if that didn’t protect me I’d run away. Thinking back, it seems tragic that I couldn’t handle somebody wanting to get close to me, because I was afraid of being found out as ‘weaker’ than I was pretending to be.
