Men Can Be Caretakers Too

Men are generally taught to feel physically and financially responsible for women, to protect them from harm, and to provide for their physical needs. Everyday examples include men doing the yard work and repairs around the house and earning enough money so their partner “doesn’t have to work” and their kids can “have whatever they need.” Most often, it is the man in a heterosexual couple who gets up in the middle of the night whenever something needs to be investigated or taken care of unless the children are the reason for getting up because the children are the women’s responsibility.

Taking care of their partners helps many men feel good about themselves. Acts of service are the love language that these men are most familiar with and comfortable with. They feel good about themselves when they are able to take care of their partners successfully because they’ve been taught that this is an important part of their job as the man in the relationship. For most men, this is one of the primary ways they saw their dad express his love to their mom. Taking care of their partners also gives men enhanced status with other men. Men judge each other by the extent they provide for their family’s physical needs and desires. For example, when a woman shows up with a new car, that reflects positively on the man.

One of the primary ways in which men are taught to feel responsible for women is financially. This is a somewhat dated idea, but men still worry that women evaluate potential partners largely on whether they will be a “good provider.” Women…