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Most Women Want a Relationship for the Wrong Reasons
Your intentions matter.
Back in college, I was all about finding a relationship.
It seemed like the ultimate goal — like I needed to have someone by my side to feel I had my life together. In those days, it felt like everyone around me was either in a relationship or actively searching for one. It was almost as if being single was seen as being a loser?
I think for women especially*, there’s this unspoken pressure to pair up, to find “the one,” especially before hitting 30, this dreadful deadline. Find someone special before “we’re too old”. This idea that our value is tied to our relationship status makes us think that our relationships define our lives, when they should complement them.
A lot of us might be chasing relationships for all the wrong reasons.
Looking back, I’d say what made me obsessed with the idea of finding a romantic partner was the fear of being (or ending up) alone.
I felt this stupid worry that if I didn’t find someone soon, I might miss out on my chance for happiness or fulfillment. Seeing everyone in my inner circle already being in relationships didn’t help, but the issue wasn't with them.
The issue was the relationship I had with myself.
I hadn’t yet learned to value my own company. I viewed being alone as a deficiency.
The School of Life is one of my favorite Youtube channels, and in one of their videos, Alain de Botton states:
“Being satisfied with being single is a precondition of satisfactory coupledom. We cannot choose wisely when remaining single feels unbearable. We have to be utterly at peace with the prospect of many years of solitude in order to have any chance of forming a good relationship.”
I love this part because it perfectly explains an uncomfortable truth: It’s only when we are completely comfortable with the idea of spending time on our own that we can make wise choices about who we invite into our lives.
And I say “uncomfortable”, because it’s against everything society teaches us: that relationships are the ultimate source of happiness and that finding a partner will make us whole.
