My Relationship Is Hard Work
But what relationship isn’t?
When Cinderella marries Prince Charming, she lives happily ever after, just like every other princess in every other fairytale that exists.
Almost every romantic film I’ve ever watched ends with the couple getting together — as though that is the most important moment we have to remember.
It’s your wedding day that is supposed to be the best day of your life — as opposed to any other day in your marriage.
The story that we are told time and time again is that once you meet “the one”, that’s it. Life is sorted. Happiness is guaranteed. The hard work of finding someone to pair up with is done. From here on it, it’s just plain sailing.
But the reality couldn’t be more different.
My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. We’ve survived the early stages of dating, moving in together, a pandemic, being apart for nine months and moving continents together. Not just survived but thrived. There are some days when I think that our relationship is rock solid — nothing could break us. We are constant.
And then there are other days when we are constantly evolving and the relationship needs so much work.
For me, the reason for this is simple: we are complicated beings.
If I think about how much I’ve changed over the last five years and how many times the things that I want for myself and for my relationship have changed, I’m amazed that my boyfriend and I have stayed together for so long. I’m amazed that any couple can stay together for so long.
Deciding what you want for your own life is tough enough. Add another person to the mix and things get even more convoluted.
Today was one of those days when our relationship needed a lot of work. Despite repeated conversations about our future and what we want from it, today we found that we weren’t on the same page. The page had been re-written, or a previous version hadn’t been saved properly.
How did this happen?
Even though I think that my boyfriend and I communicate pretty well with each other, our own opinions aren’t always fully formed on an issue, or they change, or they are affected by external circumstances. So whilst a few days ago we were clear on the next steps that we want to take, now things aren’t so obvious. It’s ok, but it just means another readjustment period. More negotiations. More reflections.
Sometimes it feels like trying to fit a 1000-piece together without knowing what the final picture looks like.
I think that’s ok.
I think that’s part of what makes a relationship so rich and rewarding.
I just wish that the portrayals of relationships in culture would reflect it.
