The Narcissist Is Not Happy With the New Supply
Here’s why the person they left you for ended up being a failed investment
After being discarded by a narcissist, most victims tend to wonder what’s going on with the narcissist after they’ve been discarded.
Specifically, whether or not they’re with someone new and if they’re happy (or happier) with the new supply.
Yes, they are with someone new.
No, they are not happy.
And the real question that needs to be asked is —
What’s happening now that you’re no longer there to blame?
This answer is simple.
That blame is now going to the new supply.
They’re being blamed for the problems the relationship is now having or will have. This means they’ll be getting blamed for not living up to the standards that persuaded the narcissist to leave you for them.
Now, the new supply will be blamed for being the reason the narcissist has discarded (and now, lost) you. This is where the narcissist’s resentment will grow as the new supply begins to receive all of that blame that once belonged to you.
Here’s why this was always going to happen.
All That Glitters Isn’t Gold
Narcissists learn the hard way that perfect does not exist
Okay, so the narcissist actually convinced themselves that what the new supply had to offer was better. They believed in the illusion and bought the dream.
Then they left you because they really thought what they were going to have with this other person was “everything they ever wanted”.
And then it started failing.
I wrote an article on how to handle being discarded, here:
The significance of the way you handle being discarded will determine the likelihood of the events I describe in the rest of this article taking place.
Once the narcissist realizes you’re not coming back, the panic sets in. Now they regret what’s been abandoned, lost, and destroyed. This was their fault and you both know it. But now they carry the weight of that guilt.
Their helplessness to fix it, despite how effortlessly they destroyed it, is what fuels the rejection of their own accountability. This gets harder for them to do as each new supply fails.
They begin to realize what they really lost as they keep replacing older models with newer ones (looking for you), under the false pretense that this time it’ll be ‘perfect’.
Until it’s not.
Until every person after you becomes just another shattered illusion and you remain the one that got away.
This is the cycle
We can compare the narcissist to a child seeing a commercial for a new toy, and immediately throwing down the one in their hands, in pursuit of attaining the new toy. They always come back for that initial toy.
It still had value, even if only because of its placement (no one forgets their first, in any aspect). Everything loses its newness, even the narcissist.
They know this, they just didn’t want to get old first. So they ran instead of accepting that both —
- relationships, and
- people
Are not perfect and can survive changes.
Instead, they pick people with aspects they favor, and keep each person as one collective energy; turning to each one according to their momentary needs. Narcissists live their entire relationships in survival mode.
In doing so, they ultimately create an endless series of self-fulfilling prophecies, that everyone else gets blamed for.
The Narcissist Banked on the Wrong Person
The person they left you for ended up being a failed investment
Their flaws began to surface and suddenly they weren’t so “perfect” anymore. Abruptly the love story began to fall apart.
All those flaws that made you so difficult (and too “crazy”) to deal with really weren’t that bad. The grass wasn’t greener, and ironically this all became obvious once you were removed from the picture.
As Queen Elsa said —
It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small.
(really couldn’t help myself. Sorry.)
Sure, the new supply might’ve had a different set of—
- belief systems
- sexual preferences
- social status
- economic status
- health status
- looks
Something they believed was integral to what they needed and felt you lacked, or didn’t love them enough to garner. For my ex, that thing was a full-time job. I’m a writer, that’s who I am. This is my calling and that wasn’t good enough for him — because I wasn’t making enough.
He was greedy and obsessed with money and resented me for being a writer because it “brought no value” to his life. He also had a problem with me having short hair, even though I had it before we met and when we met.
Needless to say, the woman he discarded me for had long hair (that he left on me after hugging me right before we broke up) and a full-time job with benefits. This woman was his co-worker.
The person they chose over you might’ve also had more money than you. Regardless, now they’re realizing this other person is not better than you, and it’s (ironically) because that person isn’t you. They were only gunning for this person to punish you because they felt like they had what you lacked.
Their Illusions Continue Getting Shattered
And now the tables have started turning
The problem with trading up lovers like Pokémon cards is the fact that you are never guaranteed that the new supply will also come equipped with what the old supply… supplied.
Still, the narcissist will gamble on you and everything they have with you. Only to realize they’ve lost everything because even in what you “lacked” you still had more to offer than what they’re getting now.
That or you offered them something that they aren’t getting now at all. Depending on how bad they tried to convince themselves (and others) you were, the guilt of what they did to you has already begun eating them alive.
If they ran a smear campaign on you their suffering is worsened because now there’s no one to turn to — without looking bad.
This is where your discard begins working in your favor
Around this time the narcissist usually ignores the ego death this loss is trying to cause and begins deflecting by focusing on their good qualities.
The new supply will be used to validate their illusion of being a “good” person and the relationship with the new supply will appear to be “stronger than ever”.
This is a facade that will fail sooner than you think because the longer you remain missing, the longer the narcissists have to place the new supply under a microscope.
Little by little, the lies they’ve told themselves about you refuse to hold up. Suddenly it turns out you weren’t so replaceable after all. Especially if they go through numerous lovers without ever being able to get you back.
As every person after you becomes just another shattered illusion you become the one that got away. This can only be realized without you in the way. Your absence is what brings them this clarity.
You Have Now Become the One That Got Away
Whatever it was about you actually turned out to be special
Their own cowardice has slowly begun eating away at their subconscious mind. They’ve now had time to realize this once they were forced to experience life without you.
They regret discarding you because they really didn’t know what they had until it was gone. Your absence has made their heart grow fonder of all those good qualities of yours that weren’t “good enough” before —
Now that somebody else doesn’t have them.
They’ve finally started realizing that they will not come across it again. At least, not in this life, it’s too late. You were a one-of-a-kind supply.
They haven’t been able to find it anywhere since, and how could they? That supply was yours to give. Your individual supply is your “it” factor. Now that you know all this there’s only one thing left to do.
Prepare to be hoovered.
You can read all about my discard, here:
You can also read about my ‘no contact’ technique, here:
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