Present-Tense Your Intimate Communication
Don’t miss the present of vulnerability.
“I realized that I was a jerk.”
“I discovered what I was hiding all these years…”
“I finally confronted my aggression.”
“I understood why I was angry at you.”
When reading these sentences, they might sound aware, insightful, and sincere.
Which they are.
But if you read them again you’ll notice something else.
All these sentences are in past tense.
We all tend to speak in past tense. I’ve found that partners tend to speak in past tense especially when it comes to intimate conversations about sensitive topics.
Why? Because speaking in past tense in intimate relationships can double as an unconscious defense mechanism against threatening vulnerability and intimacy. This initially might surprise you, but let me explain.
Benefits of Past-Tense Communication
Speaking in past tense, albeit honest, in the long run can prevent empathy and closeness.
It’s pseudo-vulnerability. Past tense is a safe way to share something vulnerable without the risk of being exposed. It’s…
