Safety Is the Prerequisite to Joyful Expression
The sad truth — Most women don’t feel safe expressing their joy.
The sad truth — Most women don’t feel safe expressing their joy.
I was speaking to my friend recently about attraction.
He said, “you know what’s really attractive in a woman? Comfort. Happiness.”
Meaning a woman that is comfortable in her body and her environment, exuding joy is incredibly attractive.
I agree.
While I was at Envision festival recently, there were stunning women everywhere! Sparkles, epic costumes, sensual dancing…
But I was most drawn to women who were frolicking about the dance floor, totally in the bliss of moving their bodies, getting lost in the music.
I had a lot of yummy dances with these women, reflecting to them after our dance “you’re magical!”
So, what about the physically gorgeous women who were more subdued?
They’re beautiful, too.
But I was less magnetized to them.
I share from my point of view as a straight woman — where my inner masculine is attracted to these sparkly sisters.
FACT: To express ourselves outwardly & fully let go, we must first feel SAFE.
This is true for all people — though in the context of this most, I am speaking about women who feel their core is their feminine.
The sad truth: most women don’t feel safe to express themselves.
That may not have to do with how safe the environment is & more about past experiences not feeling safe to express.
Things that make us feel unsafe:
- Being told to “shut up”
- Being shamed for our emotions & sensuality
- Traumatic experiences with other people
Women who are more expressed feel SAFE. They either haven’t experienced the above (which, let’s be honest, is unlikely), or they’ve done the inner work to self-source safety.
That doesn’t discount that some experiences ARE unsafe.
But knowing that we can create safety for ourselves is KEY 🔑
When I do contact dance, I test the waters with the person first to feel whether I want my energy to merge with theirs. I start softly and slowly before I offer more of my weight and surrender to the other person in the dance. I give myself safety by trusting that at any time if something doesn’t feel good, I’ll step away.
I didn’t always feel this way. I used to be afraid to connect in this way. I’d be afraid of the other person — will they try to touch me in a way that doesn’t feel good? Will they let me go? Will they let me leave the dance when I want to?
If we aren’t used to creating safety for ourselves, we’ll try and source it from others, or we’ll stay in a state of freeze & locking down our expression.
So, women might attract the ‘savior’ archetype of a partner, and perpetually stay in victim state unconsciously.
Or, they will lock down their voices, close off their bodies, and feel trapped in their own skin.
This is a big part of why I developed My Inner King course for women. It’s all about helping the feminine to make peace with her inner masculine to self-source her safety.
That doesn’t mean we can’t also lean on others, and look to people to also create safety in containers of relationships — that’s important to be met in that way, too.
But it does mean that first and foremost, having the trust that YOU’VE GOT yourself, is vital to allow yourself to shine.
When you do, that shine isn’t too much (as some might have told you in the past).
It is positively magnetic. 🧲
