Saying Good-Bye to Dad
If I had to choose just one thing you taught me, it would be seeing the good in everything even when it is so hard to see.
On Thursday September 16, 2021 I saw my father transition from this world to the next. As I watched his breathing I sensed it was different. I asked my Mom and my Aunt if I should give him morphine. I didn’t want him to suffer anymore, but he looked peaceful so I dismissed the thought.
We slept by his bedside, caressed his arm, listened to him breath and prayed for him. He was suffering and we knew it was a “when” and not an “if” moment. And yet, when he took his last breath we were devastated, shocked, and hurting. Our beings yelled “don’t go, please give us just a few more minutes of you in our lives”.
It was Yom Kippur day and burials are not allowed on holidays. The neighborhood Hatzolah (volunteer emergency medical service — EMS) lay my father’s body on the floor, covered his body with a white sheet and told us not to touch the body, never to leave it alone and to open the window for his soul.
My Dad was 6'2 so the sheet didn’t quite cover him and his right foot was exposed. I pulled the sheet slightly to cover his foot but now the base of his head was not covered and I could see his grey thick straight hair and how he wore it slicked back. I sat on the couch behind his head the whole day and just looked at his head of hair. I was tempted to pull the sheet up to get a last glimpse, but I didn’t dare. It wasn’t just a lifeless body, it was my Dad’s body and I vowed to honor him and not look.
I felt a part of me, the sick part, had died with him. I had no grudges, no words left unsaid, just sadness that it all ended so quickly. Thank you Dad for all the love, the laughter, and the lessons learned. If I had to pick just one thing you taught me I pick seeing the good in everything even when it is so hard to see.
I Love You. Thank you for being my Dad.
