She is ALWAYS The One (to unlock life’s potential)
It takes paying attention and radical responsibility.
Do you get a sense you have more potential inside you? Do you sometimes long for more adventure and fulfilment? Do you feel like you’re getting in your own way in moments because saying how you feel, the good, the bad and the ugly seems scary, shameful or even unkind? The level of vulnerability that comes with that puts you off from speaking your truth, right?
Welcome to the party (of potential), pals…
It’s natural to question things. We all do it. And a question that comes up a lot with my clients is, are they The One? I can categorically say, without a doubt that whoever is in front of you is The One… (you need at this point in your life to help heal traumas you might not even be aware of and take steps towards your potential).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting staying in relationships that aren’t healthy, not at all. The person in front of you in that situation is The One you’ve brought into your life to heal the “Some love is better than no love,” story you might be living out. It’s VERY hard at times but until you say, “No, thank you” you’ll just keep getting that type of behaviour. We need to have healthy boundaries so the experience can change.
The same is true for healthy relationships where the love that’s present is proving difficult to receive because we’ve been hurt in the past. Until we open up and change our behaviour (by talking about how we’re feeling), we’re going to keep repeating the same avoidant or anxious patterns.
Recently, a client was judging himself for noticing a few physical things about his partner that he finds not as attractive as they could be. I used to do this too. Anyone else?
“Are they things she can’t change like height, features or proportion?”
“Yes!” he said
“Were they a problem to start with?” I asked.
“No not at all, that’s why it’s weird!” he replied with such relief as the shame bubble burst for a second.
I pointed out that this could be self-sabotage and instead of leaning into the relationship there is an avoidance to go deeper which is showing up as critical analysis. Deeper feelings might be emerging and as he’d been hurt in the past his ego had gone into protection mode and started picking faults to deter the “threat” when, in fact, the fault picking was a signal to open up, lean in and talk about it.
While he was telling me, without thinking, he also said, “She looks amazing!” and “The voice in my head keeps telling me she’s good for me.”
“Yes,” I said, “that’s your instincts (or you might say Higher Self) guiding you because she’s The One that, right now, is reflecting to you scars of childhood and past relationships that need your attention.
The amount we can realise life’s potential is directly correlated to the amount of unprocessed trauma we have still trapped in our bodies. That’s why whoever, or whatever, is in front of you is The One. Pay attention to what is coming up for you, lean into the vulnerable feelings so you can change your behaviour and see what starts to happen.
Spoiler alert… your life starts aligning with one that feels true to who you are. NB, this doesn’t always mean it’s easy all the time. This is the work we can do on ourselves and whilst it might not end up looking like we thought, we will be our most true and authentic selves.
If you want to unlock your potential take radical responsibility for EVERY emotion/feeling in your life then start talking about the good, bad and ugly of what’s going on. It’s like wading through treacle initially but, bit by bit, your thoughts, words and actions come into alignment and life’s potential is revealed. If you need help with doing this, that’s where I come in. Book a free call with me here and we can chat about what’s going on for you and how we can unlock your potential.
As always, thanks for reading,
Adam (Follow me on IG @thevulnerabilityguy for more)
Take On A Vulnerability Challenge And Grow Your Toolbox:
TOOL: The “I Think” swear jar
WHY: To start “thawing” your body back to feeling. People can’t feel your thoughts, they feel your feelings. If you don’t (or can’t yet) talk about how you feel the people around you will never know and coupled with that, the potential life has to offer will never be realised.
HOW TO START: Notice each time you start a sentence with, “I think” pause, check in with your body and inquire how you feel. Then say, “I feel…” (it’s cumbersome to start with but eventually you’ll be saying how you feel without having to think about it first).
Follow me and subscribe to my profile (by clicking on the envelope icon) if you haven’t already done so to receive an email every time I post :-)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Adam Slawson is a Transformational Coach, CEO, Author, Radio host and Facilitator. He believes “Our vulnerability is the catalyst to our freedom” and founded Plight Club clothing to encourage this conversation. With over 22 years of experience, he coaches those who’d like to master their vulnerability to overcome anxiety, transform their relationships and gain self-confidence to attract the life that was meant for them instead of accepting the one they’ve been given.
His mission is to redefine vulnerability till it’s seen as the courageous act it is. His talks and offerings help people learn the language of emotions.
Are you ready to step out of the waiting room of life?
- Download my free e-guide “6 Tools To Quieten Your Inner Critic”
- Join my monthly workshop to start “Mastering Your Emotions”
- Book a FREE Discovery call/ Coaching Q+A
Shout out for the photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash (thank you)
