Slipping through my fingers
How did it begin?
When did it all start?
In what moment, what was it like?
I can remember when we first met, the first day we ever talked to each other, although I had met you in my head before it was official.
I knew from the start that I wanted you, that I wanted to be with you as a friend, and maybe more. But I was very okay as your buddy.
I liked you more each day. It was going so fast, it started to scare me, but I wasn’t ready to deprive myself of that feeling — the beautiful feeling that puts a smile on my face each time I thought about you. Sometimes, I tend to be hard on myself and even you, just because I did not want to accept that it was deeper than I thought.
Lol.
I would normally say, “it’s not that deep”, but in reality, it was that deep, and even much deeper.
Now, just like the lightning bolt, so intense, beautiful, yet messy, I have been struck.
And even though it still seems young and beautiful, it’s all coming to an end.
Did I cause this to happen? Did I push you away? Did you think I didn’t care? Or did you just see a need to move past this? Did you think it was better to walk away? Did you feel a need to walk into something new?
Okay, I know as humans our feelings can change, but did yours change? Did you really fall for another?
Did you slip right through my fingers, or were you never within my grip? I…I know talking in silence doesn’t quite say much, but I usually wasn’t silent, my words were always out.
How did this happen?
All these questions and more are running through my head, and I think I might have fallen too hard for you. I think that is what this is, ‘cause if not, why is it so hard to let go? Why is it so hard to let this feeling go far away?
Why did I just realize how deeply I have fallen for you only after you’ve slipped away, right through my fingers?
I long for you, but I’m afraid it’s in vain. I’m afraid it’s too late to hold your hands again.
Just like it all seems dark when the sun goes away, everything seems clouded without you.
I would have tried to make this right over and over again, if I knew what went wrong.
Now, I am more absent when I’m present. More sad when I’m happy.
And though I don’t want to be the fool for letting you go, I guess some things are just not meant to be.
I guess the saying is true after all, “times and seasons, bring various life lessons”.
