Taking Responsibility for Things That Are Not Ours
It’s no more enlightened, good, moral, “aware,” etc. to take responsibility for things that you did not source than it is to avoid responsibility for things that you did.
By Ann Betz
Over-taking of responsibility is an issue I see again and again with good people who have been subject to narcissistic abuse, and it’s one that is promoted and reinforced by almost all of the human development / leadership industry. We’ve been taught “there’s no one out there, it all starts with you,” “if you point a finger at someone, there are four more pointed back at you,” “everything is a co-creation,” and “there are no victims.”
If I were to be very very cynical, I would add that these teachings are suspiciously convenient for narcissists (and there are many in the origin stories of most of this field, but that’s another story). Being very responsible shows up in Sandra Brown’s research on “Super Traits,” qualities that make us more attractive to narcissists and make it harder to leave narcissistic abuse. Of course a narcissist wants someone who will take responsibility for what’s going on, who will search their soul for broken parts, who will turn themselves inside out to avoid blaming anyone else. As I said…