The Most Stable Dyad Is a Triad
Why do we always involve others in our intimate relationships?
Most of us think that two is the most stable number in relationships. But that’s not true. Every dyad needs a third to stabilize it.
I know this might sound somewhat strange but when you examine relationships from a systemic viewpoint, this process becomes evident. The process of including a third in a dyad is called triangulation.
When do couples triangulate?
Triangulation is a natural and unavoidable dynamic that occurs in every intimate relationship, especially during tense periods. Triangulation occurs when both partners are not sufficiently differentiated. Differentiation is my ability to be myself and also to be an intimate relationship (click here to read more about differentiation). When anxiety levels are beyond the capacity of the partners to contain, a third party enters the dyad (whether on their own initiation or baited by one of the partners). Triangulation can happen with a child (or children), a best friend, a sibling, a mother (or a relative), even a therapist.
Here are some common triangulation scenarios:
- A dyad is stable; then a third is added and destabilizes the relationship, such as the birth of the first child.
