The Real Reason She Has the Man You Want (and You Don’t)

I used to be too nice.

I was the girl who looked at man’s photo on a dating app who just slide in my dm’s and thought, “Meh.” Instead of swiping left, I’d tell myself, “Well, you never know.”

Even when his energy felt off, or his behavior raised little red flags, I convinced myself I was being “too hasty” or “too quick to judge.” So I went along. I gave chances, access, and opportunities. I played nice.

Time after time, I ended up holding the bag.

Recently, I went on a date with a man who, on the surface, had potential. Attractive. Nice. That kind of snarky sense of humor I usually gravitate toward, but something was missing.

Maybe it was the way he self-deprecatingly fished for compliments. Or the way he asked me out with a built-in escape hatch — so that if I said no, he could save face — instead of being bold and clear. Or the fact that he was lacking in resources.

I realized quicly that this wasn’t for me.

When he hit me up again, I had a choice. I could slip back into “be nice, go along, maybe give it another try.” Or I could course-correct.

I’m a single mother. If I go out dancing, I’m not just investing time and energy — I’m literally paying for childcare. That…