The Ugly Truth About Rejection in Business and Dating People Dread Hearing
“The truth is always the strongest argument”.
I choked on one of my first sales calls. I choked so hard I couldn’t speak for 30 seconds. I told the guy, “I think we just had an earthquake here.” Lol. I’m laughing as I’m writing this. I didn’t know what to say. I was stressed out since I didn’t want to F it up.
My last 15 years were full of chokes and cries. I feared getting rejected by girls. I feard of failing at work. I feared looking stupid in business. If only I had realized the truth earlier.
A rejection-allergic society
If you consult a therapist, he’ll probably tell you it isn’t rejection which bothers you. It’s what rejection means for you in case it happens.
An odd thing started happening to me in the last two years. Some girls are “in a hurry” to reject me on dating apps. I mean 2–3 messages in. Lol. We reject others before they get a chance to reject us.
It’s a funny domino effect. Guys and gals “reject” the other, and resentment slowly builds in the rejected person. The individual who was rejected then turns down the next person in line.
Ouch.
When someone rejects us, our first instinct is to think, “I’m not good enough.” It’s painful. Some people would rather stay in their comfort zone than risk feeling that way.
- Men won’t risk approaching women
- Sales pros and entrepreneurs fear hearing “no”
- Artists fear presenting their work to the public
Rejection turned into something nobody wants.
Self-Help’s biggest kept secret
Here’s the truth: I don’t think you could ever avoid the uncomfortable feelings of rejection. Even if you’re super “skilled” at getting rejected (like Johnny), unpleasant feelings still emerge.
That’s just the way it is. It’s not like you can turn them off. Books and Macho Mentors tell us not to give a damn. But the truth is, these emotions are natural. You’re not a machine, and you’re not made of stone.
The biggest mistake you can make is to resist these feelings. Shouting “no!” at something only makes it worse. What you resist- persists. It’s better to accept whatever you feel and let it be. There’s a distinct process you can follow.
Healthy emotional process
I once read a book by Brianna Williams where she mentioned “emotional processing”. Brilliant stuff. It says you can follow a few steps to process whatever you feel:
1. Get clear on what happened
2. Validate your feelings
3. Determine a course correction
I found the above process helpful despite sounding too simple. Let’s say a girl “ghosts” you after a date. You have no idea what went wrong. You ping her again but still get crickets. A few days later, she texts you, “Listen, Malfoy… I’ve been thinking about this… I’m a bit confused.”
Your heart sinks. You did your best, but it still doesn’t work.
Not to worry.
1. What happened? A girl “rejected” you, whatever it means, and you have no control over it.
2. Validate your feelings- most guys, if not all, would feel like crap for a bit unless you didn’t like the girl anyway.
3. What should you do next time- learn from your mistakes, if you made any, and let it go.
Conclusion
Fearing rejection and failure is normal. These feelings mean you’re human. Perhaps we fear what rejection “says” about us, like not being good enough. But the truth is, the negative emotions we feel during rejections or failure are unavoidable. With time you get better at dealing with rejection until it barely bothers you.
Get my free ebook, “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected By Hundreds Of Women”
