The Warning Signs You’re Not Building A Commitment Wall

And the ways you’re sending signals that you’re not in it for the long run.

Ellen McRae
Feb 16 · 6 min read
Image created by author

There’s romance, chemistry, love, lust. And then there is commitment.

Commitment sits out on the relationship ledge, almost like an outcast. It isn’t the most fun part of dating and easily the scariest relationship concept. It seems to be a constant point of contention. Do you commit or not? Are you committed? What does commitment mean? The questions are endless.

You don’t share finances, nor do you have any intention to

One of the biggest areas of the wall where people reserve their bricks is their finances. The sharing of finances with anyone implies you have complicit trust with that person, trust that they won’t use and abuse your hard-earned money.

You don’t share your friends

It’s normal to have friends separate from your partner. We all have our lives before our relationship and that shouldn’t change once you’re together. But avoiding mixing your partner with your friends is a part of building a dividing wall.

You’re planning for the escape

We all have thoughts about what we would do if we were in this position. It’s hard not to imagine when watching or reading about someone else in that scenario. Answering what would happen if our partner dumped us, or if we wanted out.

You test your partner

How much do they love me? Let’s find out.

You don’t make decisions together

If you make a decision that affects both of you, without consultation of your partner, you aren’t completely in the relationship. It’s a sign that you don’t value the other person’s opinion, nor do you care if they don’t like the decision you’ve made. Making decisions independently of each other shows selfish relationship behaviour.

You talk about ‘what if’

Sometimes you can be a couple of non-committers. You both talk about the relationship’s expiry date.

The Link Between The Warning Signs

What all these warning signs share is hesitation. In some part of your life, you’re hesitating to share all yourself. You’re hesitating to put yourself in a vulnerable position in the fear it will end. You’re hesitant to finish a relationship wall.

It’s Not Impossible To Build A Commitment Wall

If you’re reading this and identifying with these signs, all is not lost. It’s possible to build whenever you want to. But you have to rid yourself of hesitation.

Hello, Love

Love changes us. Love makes us human.

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