There are No Hard-And-Fast Rules of Attraction
What we can learn about how and with whom people fall in love based on the hit AppleTV+ show ‘Severance’.
**WARNING: ‘Severance’ spoilers ahead!**
If ‘Severance’, the runaway AppleTV+ show that was released early this year, has taught us anything besides what would happen if the work-life balance falls seriously out of whack, it’s that there are no hard-and-fast rules about love. What works for some might not work for others, and who we are attracted to can also change depending on the time and circumstance.
Though fans love the show for its Kafkaesque overtones and genius concept — a team of office employees have their memories split between their work and private lives through an implanted chip — it’s the bonding of the characters under extraordinary circumstances that has captured the hearts of viewers. More than one romance blossoms during the show, sparking the curiosity as to what makes people fall in love and who they fall for.
Severance depicts three common facilitators of attraction with three of the main romantic entanglements of the show:
- Opposites attract
- Having mutual interests
- External circumstances
As we will see, each as their merits and disadvantages, and it’s up to each individual (in the show and in real life) to figure out what works for them.
1. Total opposites can definitely attract
Depending on who you ask, it’s either a really good or a really bad thing to be with someone who is the complete opposite of you. Either it leads to perfect synergy or maddening friction.
The attraction is real though: As psychologist John Mayer reveals in an interview with Women’s Health Mag, you might be attracted to “opposites” because they have the qualities that you lack, thereby filling a gap in your personality or skillset. The key to the whole opposites attract thing is truly accepting and celebrating the traits of your partner that are different from you, and not trying to change them.
In Severance, Devon, the witty, cynical and down-to-earth sister of protagonist Mark, and her husband Ricken, a self-involved new age motivational author, seem to be completely mismatched. Ricken comes across as pretentious, spending his time with pseudo-intellectual friends who host foodless dinner parties. But they’re an odd couple who make their oddness work for them. Ricken has a heart of gold and is great at inspiring and entertaining Devon, like with his silly kelp-hanging birthing ritual. Meanwhile, Devon tethers Ricken to reality, being the more emotionally stable and mature of the pair and supports him in his art.
The key to the whole opposites attract thing is truly accepting and celebrating the traits of your partner that are different from you.
2. Common interests are still important
On the other hand, common interests are usually the foundation of any meaningful relationship. According to the Pew Research Center, “64% of couples with shared interests believe that this has helped their marriages to succeed.”
Of course this definitely doesn’t mean you have to do everything together — not at all. Shared interests and values are important: if you can agree upon the important things and find ways to enjoy quality time together doing something you both love, that’s golden.
Regardless if you’re polar opposites or both total Geminis, enjoying the same sport or reading the same kind of literature can be a great way to connect. It’s also a fantastic way of meeting likeminded people, as it was for Burt and Irv, the indisputable fan-favorite couple on Severance.
According to the Pew Research Center, “64% of couples with shared interests believe that this has helped their marriages to succeed.”
Irving, one of the refiners in the Macrodata Refinement department, meets Burt, head of the Optics & Design department, and they bond over their mutual love of art and art history. This interest also acts as the gateway to realizing that they have shared values. This commonality carries through the entire first season and brings the two closer together, encounter after encounter, until their affection and care for each other feels unbreakable.
3. Sometimes love is just about context
Can someone fall in love with the same person twice if the circumstances are not the same? We see this question posed all the time in films like 50 First Dates and even in real life situations: one person in the couple loses their memory, and the other has to try and make them fall in love with them all over again. A similar plot line runs through Severance, although with the added drama of a third person competing for affection.
One of the more mind-bending plot points of Severance is that Mark’s wife Gemma, presumed to have died in a car accident, is actually one of Mark’s severed co-workers — and very much alive. Of course neither of the two remember anything about their private lives when they are at work, so they interact with each other with the courteous obliviousness of coworkers. There’s no intimacy because they don’t know who the other is in their outside lives.
Meanwhile, there’s a romance blossoming between Mark and his new co-worker, Helly R. The fact that Mark might be falling for another woman while his wife is also present and available presents an interesting commentary on who we fall for — and when. People can change, and external factors like environment, social familiarity and job status can all influence if we feel attracted to someone or not. Especially reciprocal liking tends to make us see a person in a favorable light if we know that they like us, which is why Mark might be gravitating more towards Helly, who is being upfront about the fact that she’s into him.
It goes to show that external factors can hugely affect how we perceive others — maybe you wouldn’t have fallen in love with a partner if you had met and dated in a different city or at a different time in your life.
Attraction, like the show Severance, remains mysterious. Though people like to make up rules and structures to help ease the frustration of finding love, the truth is that everyone is different, and ever-changing circumstances, along with how we evolve as people, can affect how we fall in love and with whom. Whether you’re an odd couple or totally the same, whether you met at college or at a bar later in life, attraction is something personal to you.
