Three Love Lessons from Existentialism
How philosophy can help you find authentic love.
When I first started studying philosophy, I became intoxicated with existentialism. It seemed to speak to every angsty feeling I had, validate every sneaking suspicion that nothing was really worthwhile and that everything was arbitrary. As I’ve matured, I’ve realized that this negative evaluation of the philosophy is a shallow interpretation. Existentialism has so much to offer in the realm of positive realization, about the depth of feeling and the meaning available to us if we will only decide to create it. It is in the spirit of righting some of my former misinterpretations that I want to discuss one of the areas in which existentialism can radically enhance a life. Let’s talk about existentialism and love.
Before we dig in, let me lay out a few key ideas in existential thought. In his philosophical masterpiece “Being and Nothingness”, Jean-Paul Sartre lays out three modes of being: being-in-itself, being-for-itself, and being-for-others. Being-in-itself is what you see in the physical world around us. A brick or a stone or a piece of driftwood just is, and it is exactly what it is. Simple enough.
Being-for-itself is the mode of being of consciousness, and by extension, us humans. Being-for-itself is reflective, it is the us that “sees” the…
