The 4 Types of Attachment Styles: Which One Are You?

Liliana Andrino
Hello, Love
Published in
3 min readFeb 23, 2024


Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect?

It’s a concept in which any small change can make large differences later on — much like how you’ve developed a phobia of spiders because one jumped on you as a kid.

In the same way, our experiences as children immensely affect how we carry ourselves in adulthood. One effect, in particular, is how we develop our attachment style.

According to licensed clinical social worker therapist Alyssa Mancao, “Attachment style includes the way we respond emotionally to others as well as our behaviors and interactions with them”

There is a reason why you fear abandonment or why you are indifferent to relationships. This all goes down to how you were treated as a child.

To better help you in your relationships, here are the four attachments styles as conceptualized by Bowlby & Ainsworth:

Secure attachment

People with secure attachments are not afraid of intimacy, nor do they question their partners when they need space. They can depend on their partner without being overly dependent on them.

It is easy for them to cultivate healthy relationships with others. They don’t need to depend on others to make them feel secure, but can still manage to trust and communicate with their partners.

Anxious or Preoccupied Attachment

People with anxious attachment tend to lack self esteem. What they lack in themselves, they seek in others. This can develop into a codependent relationship.

As children, their parents were supportive of their needs, but were inconsistent at times. This results in them developing anxiety over whether their needs would be met or not.

These people often need assurance and attention, which may be too high of a demand for some. Hence, they may be seen as too clingy or too needy.

Avoidant or Dismissive Attachment

People whose parents were strict and dismissed their child’s emotional needs tend to grow with an avoidant attachment style. In order to survive in the world, these children were raised with tough love.

These people tend to be independent, but are emotionally distant. This, in turn, can make it hard for them to form relationships where they can depend on their partner. Most of them are also not interested in being intimate with others, as they don’t see it as a basic human need.

Fearful-Avoidant or Disorganized Attachment

This attachment style is formed as a combination of both anxious and avoidant attachment. It is a rare attachment style that doesn’t have as much studies as the rest.

As children, they were both neglected and raised with tough love. Their emotional needs were hardly met, and their parents were very inconsistent in the way they treated them.

These people crave intimacy, but find it difficult to trust or depend on others. That, however, doesn’t mean they are incapable of change.

As a matter of fact, all these people with insecure attachment styles still have a chance to turn their attachment style for the better. It’s just a matter of being open to that change.

If you want to be able to form better and deeper relationships with others, you have to put yourself out there. You have to learn in order to grow and change yourself for the better.



Liliana Andrino
Hello, Love

Professional Dating Coach, Writer, and Mentor for I am an advocate for love that goes beyond borders.