What I Learned From My First Heartbreak
And why I still believe in true love.
The Love Story
We were fifteen. That’s Year Three in Singapore’s high schools. He was the typical playboy, and I was an ordinary girl. He has the reputation of changing a girlfriend every few months. He was never in a relationship for more than six months. I would never date someone like him- that’s what I thought. In every aspect, he wasn’t my ideal type.
Things changed quickly.
Less than a week, he managed to charm me with the alluring texts he sent me; the gentle reminders to drink more water to stay hydrated; the good morning and good night texts with kissing emojis each day.
He upholds a bad boy image; got tattoos, went underage drinking, smokes and getting involved in a gang. We were together for 56 days, barely reaching two months. We were supposed to spend our first valentine day together, and it was my first ever valentine day without being single. Finally, I was attached to someone.
Of course, I was looking forward to spending the day with my first boyfriend, but only to be faced with a huge disappointment later.
He said he was busy and therefore couldn’t spend the day with me as he promised. A few minutes after the text, I spotted him in school with another girl. I spent days preparing for our first valentine’s day. I bought a lamp shaped like a light bulb, and wrote little notes for him; compiled them into an album with photos of us.
Amid the anger, I initiated to break up. I was hoping he would say something to bring us back together. He didn’t say a word to me after that day, so I figured out he couldn’t care less.
As someone who absolutely can’t stand lies, I couldn’t accept the fact that he lied to me. I only want the truth; the cold hard truth. It doesn’t matter if I can’t accept the truth, I want to hear it anyways.
I went home and threw the lamp I bought for him onto the kitchen floor. The broken pieces triggered my thoughts to hurt myself. Who was that girl with him in school? I didn’t understand why he would lie to me.
We were back together again after a week.
Too desperate for him to leave me so soon, I apologised for being a bitch and not understanding him not wanting to spend valentine’s day with me. Looking back now, I had no reason to apologise. Yet, I wanted him back.
We patched up, but it lasted for another two weeks before we broke things off again. This time, he lost feelings for me. I was no longer his priority. He would find excuses not to meet up, declining my calls and not replying to my texts. I convinced myself he had no time for me anymore, so I broke things off.
It turns out he wanted freedom away from me. Within that same month, he found himself a new girlfriend; while I was trying my best to heal.
Life after breaking up
I couldn’t cope with the loss. It’s true when people say it takes you double the time of your relationship’s duration to move on with life fully. I took more than six months to move on. Those were the days where I wouldn’t eat for 48 hours straight, locking myself up in my room and skipping school a few times a week. My grades were severely affected, and I was on the brink of being retained in school for another year.
When the realisation of me ruining my life hit me, I woke up. Scrolling through the pictures he posted on Instagram of him, and his new girl smiling so brightly and kissing each other on the lips, put a new scar on my heart.
I know he isn’t worth me ruining my life for him. Since he moved on with his life, why am I still stuck in this phase of my life? It’s time to move on.
The Takeaway
I am someone who falls in love way too easily and quickly; it feels surreal that I fall for nearly every guy I met.
Why?
I used to believe looks are everything. I only notice a guy if he is “good-looking” enough. Looks are deceiving. The most attractive man/woman shine with their heart. Their inner beauty steals the limelight.
They’re not the ones hiding behind a mask and pretend to be nice when deep inside they despise what they’re doing, and they don’t love you an inch.
They might be after your wealth or your looks. Remember, our looks don’t stay the same forever; we will grow old. What remains with us is our heart, the heart that never changes. Of course, some people change from time to time but let’s not talk about them.
The biggest mistake I made was not loving myself first. I was desperate to find someone who loves me to cover up my insecurities, that was the main reason why I wanted a relationship.
Deep inside, I was lonely and broken. I needed someone to love me to feel secure. Trying so hard to become the person others want me to, to end up losing myself. I was without a self-identity. I don’t know who I am anymore. I was merely a shadow of others in the dark.
You can’t love others when you don’t even know how to love yourself. We need to accept who we are first, then work towards becoming the person we want to be, not who others want us to be. Without having a self-identity, forget about loving others. In a relationship, care about your feelings before worrying about your partner’s feelings.
There are different types of people out there. If you’re lucky, your first relationship will turn out to be a happy marriage. We all wish to have a happy fairytale, where we meet our knight in shining armour or the princess living in the castle.
In reality, it rarely happens. Most of us would have to go through a few relationships before settling down with “the one”. It’s okay if it takes a few relationships to find a partner who best suits us. If you can’t seem to find the right person for you, then forget it. Maybe you are meant to be single and never married. We deserve the best in everything, including our relationships.
Don’t be fooled by a person’s looks. Looks aren’t everything in this world. I know, I’m a victim of this too. I’m here to warn you not to fall into the trap of good-looking people. More often than not, those “good-looking” people you meet are not as suitable as you think. Try looking in the direction of less good-looking ones. Maybe you’ll find someone suitable there. Don’t get me wrong though. I’m not saying beautiful people are bad, I’m trying to caution you to look past their beautiful faces to see their inner souls.
If you love the wrong one so much, just imagine how much you can love the right one. ―Brandon Stanton
It is only when you have mastered the art of loving yourself that you can truly love others. It’s only when you have opened your own heart that you can touch the hearts of others. when you feel centered and alive, you are in a much better position to be a better person. — Robin Sharma
Before you decide to get into your next relationship, first, learn to love yourself. Master the art of loving yourself before loving someone else. When you have mastered the art of loving yourself, you’ll find how much easier it is to love someone else.
Thanks for reading!
