Why is it so Difficult for Men to Have Affectionate Friendships?
Affection and sex are not synonymous.
By John Harris
Some men are terrible with friendships.
With women, they are often taught to see any connection or common interest as sexual chemistry, an invitation for sexual exploit. This is why when women sincerely just want a man as a human friend, it is considered “friend-zoning”.
With men, they are threatened by perceived masculinity. It becomes more difficult for men to show emotional vulnerability the more threatening the other man’s masculinity appears to be. In the last six months, I’ve had no fewer than nine different guys privately express to me how threatened they feel by my masculinity. They are reluctant to bring women they are sexually interested in around me. This is something I’ve heard throughout my life. It’s exhausting having to constantly be challenged by other men, and it feels very lonely. I find myself acting unnaturally passive or feminine to set their fragile egos at ease. None of this says a word about how patronizing it is to the women in their lives. None of the women they are “protecting” from me are so shallow as to require such chivalry.
