Why “Now or Never” is a Lie
I don’t believe in the whole “now or never” thing. Not when it comes to romance.
I don’t believe in the “you either say how you feel and mess it up or say nothing and let it mess you up instead!” thing, either.
Love blurs our vision. You look at him and you see the perfect human being. You want to get close to him. To touch his mind. To touch his heart. You’re overwhelmed. You want to open up, to confess, and you want him to listen. You’re tired of playing the game. You just want to cross the finish line already. The finish line where a happy ending is waiting for you.
But if you think your love story will come to a beautiful resolution with your confession, think again. How will you feel after you tell him about the feelings he stirs in you? How will you feel when the answer you long to hear doesn’t come? “I feel the same way” is nowhere in sight. So now, what comfort is there in the other person knowing about your feelings? And no, I don’t believe in the “at least I tried”. And you don’t either. Because there are a million ways you can try without pushing them to the wall.
Follow your intuition. No one is saying love should be easy, but that doesn’t mean it should feel like torture, either. If he makes you cry, if he says you overthink, if he calls you crazy, if he implies it’s your fault, he is not the one. Because the truth is, it is not your fault. It is no one’s fault.
You are what you are — yes, you become this mess of a person when you’re around him, you suddenly have the IQ of a potato, you can’t take your eyes off of him.
You notice more than he knows, you want to know more than he tells you, you want to tell him more than he asks. You’re pushy, you’re impatient, you’re trying to control yourself… all to no avail. You fell for him. And you know what? Despite the crazy person you’ve become thanks to your emotions and feelings overwhelming you, if he’s feeling it, things will work out.
Because love blurs your vision. When he’s with you, he won’t be looking at you and seeing a mess of a person. All he will see is perfection. And you will be able to tell. When you two are together, the world will go quiet, time will stop, it will feel surreal.
If he’s not into it, you will know it, you will feel it. You will want to spend time with him but he’ll make sure to show you how busy he is. For god’s sake girl, don’t go running after him. Go home, close the door and cry all day. Cry yourself to sleep. Today, tomorrow, the day after… But don’t you dare pick up that phone texting him, calling him. He doesn’t care. All you will hear will be excuses. Promises for future catch-ups that will never happen. And you know it.
You’re trying to get to those last drops of hope at the bottom of that metaphorical bottle. You’re doing everything in your power — shaking the bottle up and down, left and right, justso you can quench the thirst. At last, your dry lips can feel those final drops on them, and for a few brief seconds you’re happy again. The taste of renewed hope.
But the bottle is running out of water… while your thirst is growing.
Throw the bottle away. It’s empty. Accept it and move on. It was good while it lasted. Don’t lose that. Don’t push it to the point where his disinterest in you is so painfully evident that you start accusing him of being an asshole. He’s not an asshole.
You can’t blame people for their lack of interest. Your happy ending depends on where you draw the line, where you stop the story. It’s hard, I know. You’re having trouble coming to terms with the fact that things have changed. Suddenly, unexpectedly. How? You’re asking the wrong questions. Stop asking questions. There is no how, no why. It happens. He was not the one.
Stop dwelling on the past, convincing yourself you’re still in the present. The hardest thing is looking at the present, straight in its eyes, and slowly undressing the pretty illusions you’ve been wearing.
I want to learn how to do it. Quickly, painlessly. I will learn how to do it.
