Why Valentine’s Day is best spent single (as demonstrated by all my coupled V-days)

Being single on Valentine’s Day is highly underrated. You can celebrate it by drinking wine, bitching about the patriarchy and making snarky facebook posts (also known as a standard Tuesday for parts of my life). Whereas being in a relationship on Valentine’s Day is highly overrated. Here’s a run down of my coupled V-Days to demonstrate…

Age 14: I’d just started ‘going out’ with a boy at school. We’d got together in the heady excitement of a Blue Light disco three days earlier, but didn’t really know each other very well, so we just awkwardly avoided each other all day on the 14th.

Age 19: In my first ‘proper’ relationship. We thought we better do something romantic, so we met in the Botanical Gardens for a picnic, which was mostly hummus and slightly stale bread because we were students. We walked around the gardens holding hands, but were mostly a bit bored. He brought me supermarket roses, which were actually pretty annoying to carry around all day. And then he totally mansplained the best way to dry them so they would last forever (the roses certainly outlasted the relationship though).

Age 20: I was dating a guy who had quite a few attachment issues and didn’t believe in Valentine’s Day (or birthdays, or Christmas, or talking about feelings that weren’t his), so I carefully avoided the topic all day.

Age 21: I’d long since dumped the guy from the year before, triggering a realisation from him that I was his one true love. He insisted if nothing else we should be friends, and suggested dinner on ‘Thursday week’ (which was V-Day, of course, but I didn’t realise until the day). He entirely predictably put the moves on me. I said ‘nope, nope, nope’. He had a tantrum and stormed off, then later said I’d sent mixed messages and led him on by going out with him on Valentine’s Day. Sigh.

Age 26: I had just started dating a guy three days before (presumably I hadn’t learnt my lesson from age 14). I texted him on Valentine’s Day because I thought I should. He asked if I wanted to do something, even though he clearly just wanted to watch the football. We met at a bar with a large TV screen and I watched him watch football. It didn’t last long.

Age 28–30: I was in a long(ish)-term relationship for a few years here. Our best V-Day was the time we went to party with all our single friends at the British Club in Bangladesh and watched them pick each other up. But although we had fun, we didn’t have anywhere near as much fun as the singletons.

Age 33: I was dating a polyamorous guy. He gave me handmade chocolate truffles. He probably made a bulk batch to provide for all his girlfriends, but I wasn’t complaining.

Age 34–37: I was dating a vegan, and I can assure you that when an omnivore and a vegan go out for a fancy meal together, one of them will face inevitable disappointment. Usually we’d argue about whether to go to a purely vegan restaurant so he could have more than one choice, or if we could go to a ‘normal’ restaurant so I could have meat for a change. That usually set the tone for the evening.

Then of course there’s the Valentine’s Days near the end of relationships where you just go through the tedious motions… On the final V-day with the vegan, I tried to make an effort and put on a red dress and some lipstick. He just rolled his eyes and asked, ‘Oh, we have to dress up? Fine, what do you want me to wear?’ Clearly I should have left on the spot and gone for a steak.

Full disclosure though, things are looking up with my current partner. He doesn’t have a clue what date Valentine’s Day is, but has an annual reminder in his calendar for the 14th of February: ‘Cook roast duck for Wendy’.