Why We Stay With People Who Hurt Us
To reveal why we stay in painful relationships, Thomas Fiffer unmasks three unfair ‘trades’ that keep us bound.
When we remain in an unhealthy relationship, we believe we are waiting for our partner to change.
In truth, we are waiting for ourselves to change, a process that often takes longer than we expect.— Thomas G. Fiffer
Fifteen years.
Twenty-three years.
Thirty-one years.
These are not jail sentences — -though they surely felt like time served in a dark, lonely, and dangerous place. No, these are the durations of three dysfunctional marriages — -mine, a friend’s, another friend’s — -in which we suffered insult and injury. Our partners felt trapped in misery, too — -at least that’s what they were always telling us — -yet we clung with the ferocity of a wild animal tearing apart a piece of meat, held on with the life-sustaining grip of a rock climber, and refused to leave with the bull-like stubbornness of a child. We weren’t making our partners happy, enabling growth, or building a secure…
