Why We Want Unavailable People
And what to do about it
I’m taking Billy Collins’ MasterClass on poetry right now and he made a comment that made me think of something unrelated but important.
Poems tend to have two subjects: the initial subject with which the poem begins, and the real subject which dovetails from the initial subject but takes up the majority of the poem. If you read Collins’ work, there are tons of examples of this and he’s certainly a master of it.
Some time passed after learning this and my brain made a link between this and relationships.
When we struggle to get into a relationship or to get the relationship we want, we get really frustrated because we’re trying so hard to get a specific thing and failing.
But what if that was just what we think the problem is? What if there is a more real and fundamental problem that the initial problem is hinting at?
What if the truth of what you want is exactly what you are experiencing right now?
In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle wrote, “Observe how the mind labels [the present moment] and how this labeling process, this continuous sitting in judgment, creates pain, and unhappiness.
Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with…
