You Don’t know if Someone Loves You Until You Experience Life-Changing Moments
“I love you”. This phrase is constantly thrown around like dirty underwear in a cheap strip club.
People blurt it out because they think it’s cool.
As a child, they’ve heard their parents say it when they kiss each other goodbye before rushing out the door to work.
You expect to hear these soothing magical words when you’re in a relationship with someone. They are a form of reassurance of their commitment to you.
But do you really know what love is?
Aside from a mother’s unconditional love for her child, pure love is hard to find. You may think your partner loves you, but you can’t be certain until you face adversity.
I’m talking about explosive, life-changing moments, for example, a terminal illness, the death of a family member, or a financial disaster.
You will learn that life is not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s about the highs and the lows, the wins and the losses.
It’s easy to be “in love” with someone when life is going well.
But what happens when disaster Strikes?
My friend's sister has been diagnosed with Leukaemia and Breast cancer. A rare double cancer.
She’s a beautiful young woman, only 26 years old. She got married recently at a lovely wedding ceremony at an upmarket venue.
Barely two weeks into the marriage, she received the life-changing medical diagnosis. The couple didn’t even make it to their honeymoon on the island of Bali.
Flights were booked, and accommodation was reserved at one of the top resorts — everything was paid for. As soon as they received the news, the trip was off.
The family is devastated, especially her husband. This isn’t the way they envisioned the start of their marriage.
It’s tough. Life has thrown them a lemon. Now, they have to deal with this unexpected illness for years.
With the support of family, she’s undergoing chemotherapy to treat the aggressive cancers. She may lose both her breasts. Her embryos have been fertilized through IVF and kept frozen.
Hopefully, if she goes into remission they can have children in the future.
But no one knows what the future holds.
Her parents have flown in from overseas to offer care and support.
For the husband, living with his in-laws for the past 6 months has pushed the boundaries of his comfort Zone. Financially they are struggling as she can no longer work.
To make matters worse, her libido must be at an all-time low because her self-esteem is probably messed up. She doesn’t feel sexy with all the needle pricks, loss of hair, constant nausea, and mouth sores.
So, the lack of sexual intimacy is just another added pressure with everything else that’s going on.
Only cowards leave when someone is at their lowest.
“I x take thee, x, to be my wedded wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
This traditional wedding vow is what makes marriage so special. The promise to stay with someone when they are at their lowest.
But, at this stage, I wouldn’t blame him if he was thinking of throwing his hands up in defeat and says, “Oh well, I’ve tried and can’t cope, sorry but I’m outta here.”
He’s 30 years old so he can start afresh with someone else. He doesn’t have kids with her so he can easily cut ties and continue to enjoy his life.
He has a whole life ahead of him and he’s starting to hit his stride as a corporate lawyer.
Recently, I’ve sensed that he’s retreated into his shell. I’m beginning to see a few cracks in his once bubbly and outgoing personality.
I can imagine him confused, hitting the town to get drunk, getting away for long walks or drives — anything to cope with the stress.
As bad as it sounds, I can even see him waiting for her to die if the cancer doesn’t go away, so he can be freed from the relationship by default. These feelings would be normal.
But calling it quits?
I would consider this a b*tch move. To leave someone when they need you the most is one of the worst things you can ever do.
Terminally ill people are more afraid of their partner abandoning them, to fend for themselves than they are about death.
While you “didn’t sign up for this”, you should love them and support them with all your being. It’s the right thing to do.
Sadly, statistics show that when couples split, the man was six times more likely to leave a terminally sick wife than the other way around. Six times!
I’m not sure why this is the case. Is it because by their nature, women are more nurturing, caring, and emotionally resilient?
I don’t know the answer.
I’m not sure how this story ends, but all I know is that it has made me rethink my relationship with my wife.
We’ve been through hell together, facing financial ruin 7 years ago. I made some bad financial choices, and we were up to our neck in debt.
I lost my banking job, and she lost her job around the same time. The cars got repossessed, we almost lost the house, and we could barely manage to sustain ourselves from savings.
I resorted to Uber driving to make ends meet. It was a long five-year slog to recover.
We survived it all and became stronger. We’ve been through the worst of it, and she never left.
So, I know she’s a real one.
Closing Remarks
People get into romantic relationships for various reasons. The person you’re with could have chosen you because of your social status, your good looks, perfect health, or whatever it may be.
But, just like a thief in the night, it can all be taken away in an instant. A car crash on the freeway and boom, you’re stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of your life.
Did you ever stop to think about what would happen if your life changed for the worst one day?
Most people don’t, they just trust that their partner will love them regardless of what happens. And that’s ok, it keeps us sane.
