The 4 Habits of Highly Empathetic People
#4. They act as a sounding board, not a loudspeaker.
We are living in tumultuous times, and no one is a stranger to suffering. In his vulnerable memoir “Muddling Through,” Matthew Sitman wrote,
What we share most of all is our vulnerability to cruelty and chance, unexpected ruin or sudden defeat.
Sometimes, comforting a loved one can be a difficult road to navigate. Despite our best intentions to respond in a way that’s helpful, we might not always know what to say or do. The following traits of highly empathetic people can help guide our actions:
1. They prioritize a friend’s comfort over personal curiosity.
No one wants to feel like they exist for someone else’s entertainment or amusement. When your friend is exhausted, sick, bereaved, or overcome with emotion, engaging in conversation may feel burdensome. Reserve your questions until your friend feels ready to open up.
2. They don’t minimize a friend’s suffering, tell them to cheer up, or one-up them with stories of personal tragedy.
Avoid comparing your friend’s problems to your own or suggesting that other people have it worse. Try to be sympathetic and responsive to how your friend is feeling. We can never know how other people process and feel pain, and our experiences often change the way we perceive adversity.
3. They offer emotional support first, cognitive support second.
Be present. Sit with distress without trying to make it better. If your friend is experiencing strong emotions, don’t try to suppress them but gently let your friend know that you’re in their corner. Being attentive is sometimes better than being helpful.
Avoid giving advice and instead approach the situation with humility. Validate your friend’s feelings, and only offer practical feedback if invited to do so.
4. They act as a sounding board, not a loudspeaker.
Resist the urge to spring into action. Trying to take control can disempower others and violate their sense of autonomy. If your friend feels stuck, ask them what advice they would offer someone in a similar position. More often than not, this shift in perspective can help unblock people. Aim to facilitate, rather than dominate, the narrative.
The above are general guidelines on how to support a friend who is struggling, but personal characteristics and cultural differences can often impact how attempts to help are perceived. When in doubt, ask your friend how they prefer to be supported.
If you’ve already established a rapport with someone, that simple question can be enough to figure out how to provide more effective support. If you’re trying to help an acquaintance who doesn’t yet feel comfortable sharing their needs with you, simply being present is a great starting point.
Thanks for reading! Stay curious, be courteous!
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