You’re More Emotionally Intelligent Than Your Partner?
How dichotomous divisions are poison to a relationship.
This occurs all the time in the clinic:
Couples come in with one partner complaining that there’s no intimacy or love in their relationship because of their partner.
The Intimacy Queen
This partner (often the female in a heterosexual couple) is dying for more intimacy but hasn’t been getting it for years. In her mind, her partner is the sole reason she doesn’t have that intimacy that she craves and deserves. She shares that she has very deep relationships with friends and family, just not with HIM.
I playfully call this partner “the intimacy queen” (or king). She usually experiences herself as a martyr who is tired of trying to open up her mute partner. Being the emotional martyr has several gains, such as a sense of emotional superiority, while blocking the need to confront herself on her own intimacy problems. It is the intimacy queen who is usually the force that drives the couple to therapy, or enters therapy for herself.
The Emotionally “Disabled” Partner
Across from her usually sits a more silent partner (typically the male in heterosexual couples), who is cynical and…
