Why You Should Go On a Practice Date With Your Friends
I’ve watched every dating reality show on Netflix because I want the surreal experience of watching myself go on a date.
I’ve also read each episode’s subreddit commentary, because a third-party review of how I show up on a date is exactly what I crave.
Since a crew is not filming me dating around, I don’t have a dating demo reel for strangers to watch and critique my best attempts at romance.
Maybe one day I’ll receive a call to be the next bachelorette. For now, I’m lucky to have willing friends to go on practice dates with.
So, what is a practice date and how do they help?
A practice date is what I’m coining the act of going on a ‘mock’ date with a friend, for the purpose of hearing their impression of you and receiving their honest feedback for improvement.
If you’re anxious like me, you need to prepare before new social encounters, as well as debrief after them. Although I overthink the way I present myself, tuning into the social rhythm of an event or party has become easier with time and practice.
Dating, however, can be frustrating because dates are as unique and unpredictable as the people you go on them with.
It can be difficult to navigate dating if you don’t know what — or who — to anticipate.
Dates can feel like you’re on a strangely vulnerable, high-stakes audition that you’re fumbling through, regardless of your preparation.
And well, it sucks to regret or be unsure of how you show up on a date, especially when you like the person in front of you.
Dating shouldn’t be a confusing series of experiences where you worry— what did I do wrong?
So, I decided to ask my friends for help.
In lieu of bemoaning my dating woes to my friends days after the fact, I wondered what would happen if they went on a date with me?
They could offer immediate insight and accurate advice.
And so, the practice date was conceptualized.
The date started out modest like most,
with cider on a warmly lit patio in Toronto. Except that I sat across from two friends, where we agreed on a process and set ground rules for our dating simulation.
Calling “scene” would be our cue to start, and “time-out” would end our improv or allow for a short break.
Zee would act as archetypes of men I could meet during my dating escapades, I would respond as myself, and our friend Cass would observe.
Later, we switched roles. Cass was herself, I acted as bad dates I’ve encountered, and Zee observed.
After the end of each scene, my friends would provide feedback and I would ask questions.
Here’s what I learned, along with 3 reasons why you should go on a practice date with your friends.
1 — You’ll have fun making memories
Going on a pretend date, you can try something new, in a judgment-free space and among people who love you.
Aside from the initial awkwardness, I enjoyed sharing the campy moment with my friends.
Zee committed to his character by acting disinterested and aloof. Normally, I find it difficult to navigate this behaviour. But being among friends, I could call “time-out” and ask what an appropriate response would be.
When we picked up the “scene” again, I practiced firmly pushing back on his poor behaviour. I felt empowered by the new communication skills I learned.
Zee’s ability to play the part of the asshole, then gently pointing out what words and actions to watch out for, helped me feel less alone in the dating world.
I learned I could make mistakes, ask for help, and work on myself while being supported by my friends.
By the end of each scene, we had to laugh at the absurdity of what we were doing. Our memories have since made a great party story.
2 — You’ll learn how to get up and leave
“I’m leaving, and you’re paying for this drink.”
Cass set down her cider and walked away.
Mind blown.
You can leave when someone says or does something abhorrent.
This was new for me, because I’ve never seen it done.
I didn’t know how to do it, and I never tried because I was worried it would be ‘rude’ to cut a date short.
But Cass modelled how to leave a bad situation, no fucks given.
My friends were kind to acknowledge my effort into getting to know another person, but noted being too agreeable and peaceable could cut into my safety and comfort.
When I threw at Cass the terrible things I’ve been told on dates, it was enlightening to hear her unwavering “no,” “I don’t agree,” and “I’m not interested.”
Now that I know these tools are available to me, and I’ve practiced using them, I feel equipped to exercise boundaries I’ve struggled to set in the past.
3 — You’ll get kind and honest feedback
I’m not the off-putting, unattractive, disaster date I feared.
According to my friends, I am normal on a date — hallelujah.
And you are as well.
Isn’t that a relief?
I was expecting to hear a laundry list of every which way I drive off my potential suitors.
In reality, their feedback was surprisingly positive. Whatever I was insecure about was in reality a) not noticeable, or b) uniquely me.
This kind encouragement from friends helps keep us courageous as we look for a special connection.
Sure, there is always room for improvement.
But dating means you’re willing to get to know a person for who they are, quirks included. Remember to have faith they’re giving you this grace, too.
So, try not to be so hard on yourself.
And if you’re still skeptical, go on a practice date with your friends.
