Hello Mother’s Day 2018: Celebration and Grief
Mother’s Day can be wonderful. It can also be hard. We at Hello Mom wrote letters to moms in our lives to acknowledge the struggles our relationships have endured and to celebrate love in all its complicated and unique forms.
This is the first blog post in a five-part Mother’s Day series. The others:
Leading by Example |Self-Forgiveness | Resilience | Love to All Mothers
Dear Mom,
I’m usually much better at writing a card or helping Dad pick something out (that you’ll actually like). This year, I feel uncertain. When I don’t know how to approach something, you’re the first person I ask. So Mom, how can I show extra love on Mother’s Day to someone whose mom just died?
Because I really want to do that for you.
In some ways, Grandma’s passing was ideal. You were there with Grandpa and your siblings, singing her hymns as she peacefully passed away at the age of 86. Then, all 8 of her children, most of her 24 grandchildren, plus many great grandchildren, all came together to celebrate her rich life and legacy.
It’s been just a few weeks since Grandma had her second stroke that marked the beginning of her goodbye. What has stuck with me was what you said that night, “I’m not so much sad about losing my mom now, as I am sad about losing the mom she used to be.” It wasn’t surprising, but hearing it made me feel a little extra sad. I’ve seen how in these recent years, her children have mothered her as Grandma grew more frail. This mother, who clothed, fed and cared for so many over decades became like a dependent child.
Frankly, Grandma’s passing makes me feel scared that someday I might feel that about you. (I’m not being particularly comforting, am I? I blame Dad for this morbidity.) Thankfully, we’re still far from that scenario.
Still, I want you to know, I observed you and the aunts, and I was taking notes. Even as Grandma got more anxious (and less continent), I saw you all demonstrate compassion, strength and endurance; skills you probably first practiced on us as young children. No one did everything perfectly, but there was still love.
So, thank you. Thank you for carrying on so much of Grandma’s legacy in cooking and hospitality and care, and teaching me to do the same. While you’re still my mom, now we’re both on this motherhood journey, with all its ups and downs, celebration and grief.
If you need an extra hug this Mother’s Day, or any day, I’m here. I’ll be here.
I love you.
Kendra
