Hello Mother’s Day 2018: Self-Forgiveness

Mother’s Day can be wonderful. It can also be hard. We at Hello Mom wrote letters to moms in our lives to acknowledge the struggles our relationships have endured and to celebrate love in all its complicated and unique forms.

This is the third blog post in a five-part Mother’s Day series.The others:
Celebration and Grief |Leading by Example |Resilience | Love to All Mothers

Dear 2015 Sara,

I was looking through old pictures the other day, and was stopped in my tracks by the Sara I saw. It was you, 2015 Sara, just four weeks after giving birth
to baby Charlie — the most beautiful and terrifying thing I had ever seen. A Sara that was exhausted, depressed, frustrated, and lost.

2018 Sara is still figuring things out, but I’ve learned a few things in the last 2.5 years. So to prepare you for the bumpy ride ahead, I’m here to share some motherly wisdom with you, the younger me. Here are some things I want you to know:

• You are not going to feel connected to your baby for the first few months. And that’s okay. Eventually you’ll be BFFs who share the same nose, laugh and love for the movie Annie.
• You will sleep…eventually. You’ll be more sleep-deprived than you ever thought was humanly possible, but soon you’ll sleep for three hours straight, then six, then eight whole hours — uninterrupted. It might be 2 years down the road, but you’ll get the sleep thing figured out.
• Your life would be easier if you let your Type A tendencies go, even for just a few months. Enjoying perfect things may help you in your career, but it will not serve you well as Sara the New Mom. Allow things to not be perfect. Embrace the mess and uncertainty. Because it is all very messy and uncertain.
• Your #momissues will flare up like whoa. But try to use this time to think about why you’re feeling resentment — it’ll help you realize what kind of mom you ultimately want to be for your own kid; the kind of mom you needed when you were growing up. And you’ll learn to give your mom a break. She, like you, was just trying her best without knowing what she was doing. She was doing what she thought was best for you and your family. Just like you are.
• Don’t let anybody make you feel guilty for the choices you make. Others will judge you regardless of how you choose to raise your family. Who cares? Do what’s best for you and your family and ignore everybody else.
• This, too, shall pass. It will never be as hard as it is right now. It will get better. You will survive. And you will become even stronger than you are.
• Treat yourself with grace. You are a good mom and you will continue to be a good mom. You are trying your best and learning along the way. You will look at your child when they are a toddler and think to yourself, “I made them. I helped mold her into the kind, goofy little human she is. And I did a damn good job.”

I love you, 2015 Sara.

Love,
2018 Sara

For more Mother’s Day letters, check out the first blog post in our five-part series.