Sleuth Spotlight: Shawntae Chase
Shawntae Chase is the mom friend I wish I had on speed dial years ago. We recently met on social media where I was immediately drawn to her experience, expertise, and warmth. When she recalled the story below, an image of the orange chairs at my little one’s speech center flashed through my mind — I was a newbie back then, sitting anxiously on those hard seats, willing myself not to grab my phone and Google myself into further stress.
“I can’t tell you how many times I’d be sitting in a therapy office — occupational, speech — and I’d see a mom with a newly diagnosed kid trying to navigate it all. I remember this one time sitting in the waiting room overhearing a mom asking a therapist about ABA therapy, saying, “People are saying I need ABA therapy, but I don’t know what it is.” And the professional couldn’t answer what it was! I waited until the professional left, went up to the mom and said, “I heard your conversation, let me tell you what ABA is.” I shared with her places in town that had ABA providers and gave her my number, and let her know “if you need to know anything about anything, call me.”
A social worker by profession, Shawntae is the linchpin of her military family of three boys and her husband who is currently deployed. She shared her son K’s story with Sleuth about the start of his autism journey. We got the chance to sit down and ask her more.
What Have You Found is the Benefit of Sharing Your Story with Others?
I share my story openly because navigating this journey by yourself is hard. I see it from my own experience as a mom and also in my work as a social worker and therapist. The intersectionality of special needs is strong. Socioeconomic factors, race and privilege can all play into the types and quality of services a family receives. For families living in poverty, for example, they may not be able to afford hiring an advocate to sit in on IEP meetings and access greater levels of services which may put their children at a disadvantage through no fault of their own.
When we lived in Texas, the staff at my sons’ school shared with me as we were getting ready to move out of state that, “We don’t worry about your kids because we know they have a mom that will advocate for them.” I told them, “But, it’s exhausting. I wish my kids could just get what they’re entitled to without having to fight for every crumb. What about other families? All kids should be getting everything they need as well.”
Sharing your story also helps other families avoid early mistakes you made. Support is so huge and learning to create the community you need when the support is lacking is so necessary. I was so used to being the helper in my professional role that I had to learn to ask for help and for what I needed from those people in my life who were willing to give it.
It’s hard to kind of navigate that space of asking for help, even when people say no, or you feel like you’re a burden or whatnot. But when you find that one, oh my gosh. I recently reached out to a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while. When she found out that my husband is deployed and I’m with my three boys by myself right now, she was like, “I had no idea! Do you need a break? I’ll come sit with the kids.” I told her help with little things from the store would mean the world. And you know what? She followed through on it — that’s the difference. She called me last week and said, “I’m sending my husband to your home to shovel the snow but I need your address.” When you find the right ones, it makes all the difference. Help and support are game changers. It’s why I really love what you guys are doing with Sleuth.
You’re kind of a ‘seasoned’ mom, having navigated so many parts of the journey already. But what questions would you want to ask others about your son’s path in the future?
For me, I definitely don’t know everything. In Texas, I was in a member of a group called MOCAA (Mothers Caring About Autism) and was able to learn so much not just about what I was currently dealing with but also a peek into the future by hearing from mothers whose children were older.
Now, I find myself recalling those convos, especially the ones about navigating adolescence, self-care and staying connected to family. I’ll never forget this one lady. She said, ‘Don’t stop going home to visit your family. I know it’s tough, especially when your family doesn’t accept your kids. But I’ve had my parents pass away and I have so much guilt about not being able to get home because of how hard it is to travel. Even if you have to steal away — maybe you don’t take the whole family — go home, go and see your parents.’ And for me, that was something I hadn’t even thought about.
I also just heard of a travel agent who specializes in families of special needs. I never knew how many families just like ours, are traveling all over the world. I told my husband, ‘we have to make yearly family vacations a priority, let’s just start with asking the kids, where do we want to go on vacation?’ I’d love to hear how other special needs families navigate all the challenges of traveling and what are friendly vacation spots for families like ours. I’d love to know that information.
Learn about K’s journey, as told by Shawntae, here on Sleuth.
Read more about Shawntae’s journey on her blog: Shawntae Chase — Pinned With Purpose
We’d love to hear your story. Share it on www.hellosleuth.com & reach out to @sehreennoorali so others can learn from your hard-won experience.
