Help! My boyfriend went on a spiritual journey and left his hamster behind…
Hi there! I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle and I would really appreciate any advice! Last year, my long-term boyfriend went on a spiritual journey because he wanted to “be at peace with himself.” (Un)fortunately, after months of study he found true inner happiness and ascended into the clouds, where he remains to this day. I’m really happy for him, but he left his hamster Cookie behind and it’s becoming a real problem. Cookie always bites me, makes a huge mess by tearing his toys apart, and squeaks at all hours of the night. Should I try to re-home Cookie? I don’t think he’s happy but I don’t know what else to do with him. Thanks for the advice!
-Hamster Dilemma
Hello Hamster Dilemma,
First, I want to congratulate your boyfriend on reaching a state of true happiness and spiritual peace, something many of us wish to accomplish but never attain. If you know how he managed it, please send instructions our way.
I also want to reassure you that you’re not alone in this problem. More and more often, people are ascending into the clouds and leaving their partners to deal with their shit. My old roommate dated this guy for six years, and on the eve of their wedding, he experienced spiritual fulfillment and became one with the sky. Right before their wedding! She had to tell the guests, inform the venue, and call the airline to deal with their honeymoon flights to Santorini. They wouldn’t even give her a refund because a spiritual awakening isn’t a “covered incident” under their travel insurance policy. Now she has a bunch of flight credits that she needs to use in the next year. It was a total pain in the ass.
Anyways, back to your thing. Hamsters aren’t for everybody. However, did anybody tell Cookie what happened to his owner? Is Cookie in the know? Try gently explaining the situation and seeing if that calms him down. For all we know, Cookie is anxiously awaiting your boyfriend’s return and he’s taking his emotions out on you. That’s not healthy or appropriate, but he might calm down if he can accept that your boyfriend isn’t around.
But if he keeps being toxic, you have the right to disown him. Do not let him disrespect you in your own home. It’s disgusting behavior and it shouldn’t be tolerated. In that scenario, you can pawn him off on a relative or go on your own journey of self discovery so he won’t be your problem anymore. Just keep in mind that his new owner may do the same thing and give him away as well, creating an endless loop where all of Cookie’s owners leave to “find themselves.” It wouldn’t be the first time.
