How to deal with TOXIC Passive-Aggressive People: Glaring and Ignoring.
Stop putting up with their B.S (in classy ways).
If you haven’t read the previous article on “Why are some people so Passive Aggressive?”, you should totally check that out prior to reading this one.
Last time, we touched base on:
- What passive-aggressiveness is.
- What it can be defined as.
- Examples of passive-aggressive behavior.
- What issues, reasons, and motivations an individual might have for exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior.
Today we will be getting into popular and effective methods of dealing with passive-aggressive people in our everyday lives.
Specifically, when a passive-aggressive person chooses to give you dirty looks, ignores you in public, and/or gives you the “silent treatment”.
After reading you will be able to stop allowing them to exhibit passive-aggressive behavior towards you and, simultaneously, bring yourself more peace.
Assess the situation.
In the beginning, you aren’t always certain if it’s passive-aggressive or something you’ve potentially misconstrued and misunderstood.
This is why when you sense that you’ve received a passive-aggressive or believe you are enduring someone’s passive-aggressive behavior, you must continue to pay close attention to what they are saying to you from then onward.
In no way should you become accusatory as a first reaction, and frankly, I do not recommend that at all to an extent.
If this person is narcissistic or passive-aggressive, they want you to have a reaction; preferably one that makes you look crazy or like “the bad guy” in a social situation.
Evil Glares and Stares:
For the purpose of simplicity, we will be using the following example circumstance/scenario:
You’ve been invited to a social gathering; reputation and class are held at the utmost value.
You are seated with your favorite coworkers when you get a strange feeling.
You notice that to the left of you, there is a woman giving you a nasty look for no apparent reason….
You’ve been aware of her passive-aggressive tendency to make snide remarks towards you, or purposefully leave out important information for proposals and agreements in the workplace.
If you know this person is passive-aggressive towards you and that your workplace environment can be competitive, it’s likely that a sort of smear campaign is already afoot.
So in this case, when they look to you after possibly talking smack or as an attempt to intimidate you, you should smile;
- maybe even subtly wave and acknowledge their presence in a kind manner.
Why would you do this you might ask?
When you refuse to engage in their energy and present yourself in a positive and seemingly genuine light this dispels the narrative that this person has likely been trying to create; whether for themselves or the people in your workplace.
How can they keep talking about how “awful” you are when you just demonstrated the characteristics of a chill, charismatic and sophisticated person?
They look stupid now if they keep it up because now they look like the jerk in the situation.
This is a great strategy in terms of the staring, that they are notorious for.
Killing them with kindness, whilst you remain calm and unbothered.
Maintain composure and don’t give in to their subtle physical antics.
Sixth Grader behavior in public:
Remember when kids would give you the cold shoulder or ignore you during recess if you did something like hop on the slide before them or use the swings too long?
In continuation to this, someone you know might ignore you or give you the “silent treatment” in public. I like to call this sh*t, “sixth-grader” behavior.
Whether it be for attention or to make you feel like sh*t for no good reason, per usual, it’s such an elementary school thing to do.
Instead of feeling responsible for their behavior and allowing yourself to focus on how this makes you feel, evaluate it objectively and look for what would make you feel better or distract you from their nonsense within your immediate surroundings.
Live in the now.
When you do this, expect them to be confused as to why you haven’t been directing all of your time and attention towards them ignoring you.
Expect them to possibly ask you where you went or why you left them at the party/event.
As previously discussed, we strongly advise against showing them that you were even aware of them ignoring you.
Act oblivious, laugh it off even- Just don’t let them think you’re acting like you don’t notice or that you were hurt at any point.
If after the event, they attempt to apologize or acknowledge the fact that they were ignoring you, don’t give in to that either.
Continue acting as if you didn’t notice because they are only asking, apologizing, or acknowledging this in hopes that their behavior did bother you.
Regardless of how it made you feel, letting them know that you noticed will only encourage them further.
An emphasis on pretending you didn't notice is imperative because even acknowledging that you noticed their behavior makes them think they go to you mentally.
When you inform a toxic person on what does and what has hurt you, they will continue to hurt you in the ways you’ve described and the ways that they already have.
They’ll eventually realize that their efforts to upset you and embarrass you are useless and ineffective.
Acting like a Sixth Grader PT.2: Silent Treatment
When someone is giving you the silent treatment, you might not immediately register it as the well-known passive-aggressive tactic that it is.
You are solely paying attention to the fact that you are being ignored by that person. It hurts us deeply when people do this, especially people we care about.
Assuming we did nothing wrong, this is an incredibly manipulative and childish thing to do.
Yet, as we’ve learned throughout this series, more often than not the only reason they are giving you the “silent treatment” is because they want to get attention from you and drain you of your happiness.
They thrive off of attention and enjoy making others feel responsible for their negativism.
This is why when dealing with a toxic and passive-aggressive person, the best course of action would be to direct that energy of care and concern towards yourself the people around you.
Why should you waste it on someone who chooses to ignore and disrespect you?
Grab some coffee, spend time with friends, do some painting, read a book, make a TikTok; do something other than think about the person in question and enjoy the peace and quiet.
As a result, expect the passive-aggressive person to stop ignoring you once they realize you’re perfectly content and if anything, enjoying your time without them.
They only do most of the things they do to make others join them in their misery, and so, there would be no further purpose in continuing this behavior.
If they do continue, then so be it!
If that person can continue to treat you like this for a prolonged period of time, they clearly do not care about your wellbeing nor do they benefit your mental health.
Think about yourself and how this person makes you feel.
Evaluate whether or not the person deserves a place in your life.
Consensus
In this article, we learned how to deal with:
- Staring and Evil Glares from a Toxic Person.
- Being ignored by a Passive-Aggressive Person in Public.
- Being on the receiving end of Silent Treatment from a Toxic Person.
In the next few articles, we will be discussing how to deal with a passive-aggressive person:
- Gossiping.
- Doing sh*t wrong on purpose.
- Always being late or not even showing up.
If you’d like to learn more about social issues, psychology, mental health issues, life lessons, and more, subscribe to Sierra Millar Blogs.
See you soon,
-S.M
