Settling vs Not Wanting to Be Alone
I am about to contradict myself more times than even I’m comfortable with. You see, I have this slight obsession with obsessing over what my future will hold romantically. Romeo oh Romeo, wherefore art thou??? On the one hand, I can not WAIT until I meet my soulmate. You know, out of the ballpark, over the moon, World Series type of love. When I meet someone, I always overthink it very thoroughly and aggressively.
“Is this really it?”
“Look how he holds his fork.”
“He doesn’t even text back within five minutes.”
I guess what I’m saying is I am sick and tired of being single, alone, and “independent”, but I don’t think he’s the one either. Nobody is good enough.
If you’re anything like me, you dabble in the world of online dating (swiping), Tinder and Hinge, and don’t forget, for the progressive woman who doesn’t need a man to ask her out, Bumble. We are destined to find our soulmate some way or another, right? Or are we simply serial daters, worse than in college, swiping through life looking for something unattainable? I don’t think I’m better than anybody, except the last couple guys I’ve been out with. I don’t want to settle. Kill me, why don’t ya? How do I bridge the gap between “good enough” and “World Series love”?
I remember on Drake’s song, “Thank Me Now”, he stated, “I think I’ll have a chance at love and knowing me I’ll miss it.”
I have been quoting this song in my head’s love life for as long as I can remember. It is literally stained on my brain. Psychology Today says, “The possibility of finding true love may be worth the risk of not finding it”, and well, they can go blow me. Fuck that. I will not be alone forever, I just need a little time.
What does love look like to me? Better yet, what does World Series love look like? This is what my Aunt asks me when I moan and complain about my singleness. Most recently she made me write it down my non-negotiables. I came to the decision that I’m way too picky, super open to people’s flaws, still single, and not willing to settle. Got all that?
I don’t have the answers.
This isn’t some “if you love yourself first the right one will come along” BS. Honestly fuckkkk that!!!! I’m thinking I’ll have to compromise some of my non-negotes.
Like what? Glad you asked.
I only date men whose parents are still together, in which he has a relationship with his father, judge me all you want. I can’t teach anybody the shit their dad is suppose to *rolls eyes*. MAYBE I will be willing to open that up to “has to have influential men in his life”….ugh. I’m going to have to start being a little understanding if I ever truly want this chance at love.
To be continued…. wtf is love anyway… a word, it’s a word.
Just like apple or door. Smh
