the right of not having children
Maternity seems magical to me. The gestation and the birth of a human being fruit of the combination of two people who, except for sad exceptions, once loved or still love each other. A baby may end up teaching a lot more than he learns from those who live with her/him. Children are becoming more intelligent, fun and healthy as we watch the generations go by.
But just as most women want to be a mother those who have chosen or decide not to, for whatever reason, also have to be respected. I at one point in my life decided not to have children and the fact of never generating a life does not make me less human or less predisposed to love.
For some people it is difficult to understand this position. To go against nature. For me, nothing is against nature. The incomprehension seems very ignorant, growing in bases without structure, of information or education.
By its importance, rather than discussing who is right or wrong, this subject should be one of the main foundations of a relationship. For years history has been repeated: people who want children choosing who doesn’t and vice versa. They’re in love and believe, poor souls, they can modify the other or what they think over time.
No one changes anyone. This is a fact. And the worst outcome of this story is not recognizing incompatibility before time passes and one or more human beings are devised unwillingly. In the end these children are the primary victims of the unhappiness and frustration of others. Not to mention that the person who wanted to have children so much could be much happier with someone who thought the same way.
These days in one of my many bookstore stops, I came across the book A Jane Austen Education, by William Deresiewicz. He who previously only focused on James Joyce and Joseph Conrad found himself with a copy of Emma, one of Jane’s greatest hits, in his hands. “The book changed my life,” says the respected literary critic. Why? “Fundamentally, Jane Austen taught me that what we call love at first sight is a big incoherence. I was also raised for one day, without further ado, to find the love of my life, my soul mate. But after reading Austen I woke up to the fact we have to prepare ourselves for love. Be ready for it and know very well the person we are going to fall in love with. Austen’s heroines marry for the right reason: love. And this meeting is also in the world of ideas, ideals, goals.”
People meet and start relationships with each other all the time. But they still don’t know the importance of compatibility to a life in common. That love is more important than passion and takes effort. And that having or not children is one of the topics that should be in one of the first places on this list that more than proving compatibility puts us at an advantage in the pursuit of happiness.
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[This is an English version from the original article > [o direito de não ter filhos]
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